Just Catching Up

This is a picture of me being a writer.

See how I'm thinking, "Why the heck am I holding a pen

when there's a perfectly good computer in the next room?'

Writers think stuff like that.

All the time.

Ugh!  I'm tired of promoting my stuff!  Especially when what I really want to do is talk to you about this dream I had.  I know, I've said I'd rather fork out my spleen and serve it with gravy than listen to other people's dreams.  But this is MY dream, so it's far superior to those lesser, boringer dreams.

But first, just a reminder that the Story @ Home conference is March 9 & 10, and there are still tickets.  It's going to be uber awesome, and if you don't attend you'll just wind up doing something lame like bonding with your family.  (Here's a link: http://www.cherishbound.com/blog/storyathome/)

And you still have time to pre-order "Tell Me Who I Am" before its release date on March 8.  Right now it's just $10.50 plus shipping, which is less than a decent salad, diet Coke, and frosty at Wendy's, and is also guaranteed not to make you fat, even if you eat it.  See the 'add to cart' button over there by that gigantic picture of the book.

And I'm almost done with the zero draft of my novel.  That's what Becca calls it: The draft that you vomit out before revising it into something that utilizes fancy things like the English language and a plot.  Another couple of weeks of burnt offerings in my behalf would be appreciated.  Then we should be good.

OK.  So.  My dream.  It's very straightforward:  I was dating George Clooney, and he was super into me. Really. Kept holding my hand and everything.  THAT'S how into me George was.

And just when he was ready to kiss me -- you know, the kiss of 'I want you all to myself, you incredibly desirable middle-aged housewife, you' -- he morphed into Kelsey Grammer, who then confessed that he was already married and couldn't go on a honeymoon with me because he was entering court ordered rehab again.

I put this on Facebook and got some terrific feedback.  But I still would like your evaluations on the mental state of anyone who would have such a dream and then blog about it at one o'clock in the morning.

It's George Clooney's fault, right?  He just can't settle down. And I'm clearly worried about him because he may one day wake up with Kelsey's hair and drug habit, and then where will he be?

That's probably it.  But feel free to analyze me while you sign up for the conference, order TMWIA, toss a goat onto the altar for my novel, and scarf down a Wendy's salad.

You know I'd do it for you.

Tell Me Who I Am

I know that it seems like I'm an open book -- kind of a 'what you see is what you get' sort of gal.  And I talk about everything.  Well, not everything. I've never been comfortable discussing golf.  Or one spouse making full use of the 'facilities' while the other brushes their teeth.  Blech.

But other than that, yes, I'm pretty much that open book girl.

Which is why it's odd to be telling you about a project that has consumed the better part of the last half-year or so, but about which I've said almost nothing until now.

I don't know why I've played this one so close to the vest. I mean, it's not like I make a secret of my writing projects.  If I were to link you to every post I've put up about my novel I'd likely refer you to a good third of my blog.  Heck, the month I did NaNo I posted about it every day, even when I had gall bladder surgery so I could suffer for my art.

But this one's ... different.  And it involves the writing of some of my favorite people, so I feel like it's as much their news as mine.  And I suppose I didn't want to say anything until it was really happening.

And now, I guess it is.  Really happening, I mean.

In a few weeks, a book called "Tell Me Who I Am" will be available for sale through this and umpteen other web sites.  It's a collection of nearly 50 essays, written by folks like Annette Lyon, Melanie Jacobson, Ken Craig, and ... well ... me.

Essentially, we talk about what it's like to be an everyday Mormon suddenly living in a spotlight we're not really accustomed to.  From Mitt Romney to Big Love to Warren Jeffs, it seems like there are a lot of definitions floating around out there of what a Mormon is or is not.  And folks are curious.

Given that there are 14 million of us worldwide, who could begin to define a religion that is at once global and grass-roots?  No matter how large any crowd is, it's still made up of dozens, thousands, even millions -- of ones.

So, here we are: sixteen ones, revealing a little about what it means to be us, through our stories and reflections.

I've taken the lead on this project, compiling the essays and overseeing the zillions of little details that go into putting something like this together, so I've had the opportunity to read each of these essays dozens of times.  And still, some break my heart and others have me doubled over in gales of laughter, every time I read them.

The complete list of contributors can be found here.  I was in awe of how many truly gifted writers agreed to contribute to this wonderful collection.  I don't know how it happens, but somehow I manage to rub shoulders with some of the finest, most talented, most generous people on God's green earth.

On that same page, you'll see that we're offering a special rate to those who pre-order.  That rate ends March 10, so if you're thinking about picking one up there isn't a better time to do so than now.

I'm confident that members of all faiths will enjoy this glimpse into everyday Mormon life.  I don't know if it will answer questions or raise them, but I do believe that our stories have the best chance of revealing just who we are and what we're about.

Not sure why I'm so shy about this book.  Maybe because I'm so proud of it, and so grateful to have been a part of it all.

Whatever the case, I hope you enjoy it.  For me, it's a treasure.

 

How Long is that in Dog Years?

Imagine that this is a picture of several women holding books.

They've thoroughly enjoyed reading their books,

and now they've come together in their book group to discuss their delightful reads. 

Also, there are refreshments in the kitchen, but you can't see those.

I am currently reading three books, which some might argue is two too many to really give the proper attention to story lines and such.  I am also acquainted with a number of poor souls who believe that this is four books too many, because reading is the least of their problems.

The reason I can read so many books at once is that I've already peeked at the endings of two of them.  So now I'm really only stumped by one story; the others are already friends whose trains just haven't made it to the station yet.  I don't mind waiting, because I can pass the time by reading all that stuff in the middle 'til they get here.

I didn't mean to read the end of one of these books; I was just flipping through and I came across a section called "Book Group Questions," and I thought, 'Hey, if I read these questions, then I'll know what to pay special attention to when I read the book.'

And dang if those questions didn't just go ahead and give away the ending of the story.  So then I went back to see how the author said all those things, because it was Haven Kimmel doing the talking and she had to have used better words than those question writers, and before I knew it, I'd read the end before I read the middle.

Now, as many of you know, I've been working on a novel since, as my mother often says, "Shep was a pup."  If Shep was a pup back in 2009, then yes, this is an accurate statement.

Interestingly, at least to me, I've written so much beginning and middle I now have more than 112,000 words and 416 pages stuffed full of story.  I have also written the very ending of my book, because I was dying to know if they ever kissed again without someone trying to shoot them.  Yes, my novel is terribly romantic. 

In fact, there is so much book in my book, I've decided there may actually be two, possibly three books lurking there.  Wouldn't that be something?  Have all my sequels written before I finished the first story?  I bet this is how George Lucas feels all the time.

However, there are still maybe 5,000 more words to put somewhere in the end of the middle, or right at the beginning of the end, of my first book.  So nothing is ready to publish yet.  Shep may well die of old age by the time I finish my novel.  But I can't worry about that; the life spans of fictional dogs are low on my list of concerns.

Anyway, I wondered if maybe writing up some Book Group Questions might kick start my (apparently) stalled novel-finishing mojo.  And as soon as I wondered that, I said right out loud, "DeNae, no one quick or dead can procrastinate like you."  It was a proud moment.

Book Group Questions for "DeNae's Awesomely Hilarious and Mysterious Novel"

1. Isn't the working title of DeNae's book, like, off the charts amazing?  List twenty things about it that you love.
2. When the girl protagonist meets the guy protagonist while she's trying to chase the alien off the flag pole, should the girl protagonist be wearing go-go boots?  If so, why?  And if not, then why don't you just figure out her whole ensemble and email it to the author Miss Smartypants?
3. What do you think of the author's complete lapse of judgment in not mentioning -- no, not once in 416 pages -- a vampire, a werewolf, or a teenager with emerging superpowers?  Should she be flogged?  Or just required to take night classes?
4. The author discusses Zumba at a critical point in the book.  However, since the book likely will not be published until Fall 2097, should she make up a new dance fitness craze, one that she will participate in for two weeks before bailing like she always does?  Should it involve go-go boots?
5. At the end of the book, when all that mystery solving happens, and those people go to jail or back to the office or maybe just home because honestly, it's been a long day, why doesn't anyone think to deal with the buffalo?  Buffaloes don't up and stuff themselves, you know.  What would you do if it was just you and the buffalo, and, like, six hundred yards of duct tape?  The author is merely curious.  Truly.  Just making conversation.

Wow!  Those were five of the most inspiring questions I've ever read!  I bet you can't wait to see what the rest of the book is like, huh? Well, it won't be long now, I promise.  I'm going to get right back to --

--oops, oh, hey, looky there!  It's my turn in 'Words With Friends'. 

Guess Shep'll have to grow up without me.