Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Of Ledges, Winners, and Royal Entitlements

Want this, but didn't win because, like me, you never, ever win anything
even though you give and you give
and you're not bitter at all but have every right to be?

We have two winners, boys and girls! One who is terribly deserving, and one who is terribly lucky because he never reads blogs any more and comments even less frequently, something for which I might resent him ever-so-slightly were it not for the facts that
  • I've been derelict in the same area, to wit, I ain't read a blog since Shep was a pup,
  • which is something I intend to remedy as soon as this weekend is over,
  • and yes, I know I keep saying things like that and it's rather unkind of you to point it out in public,
  • wait, where was I?
  • Oh, right. The facts of non-resentment.
  • He is a true blue friend who took the time to read all these old posts I sent him when I was having a panic attack of Woody Allen proportions, 
  • and he helped me choose a couple that were worthy of the hours of re-write they'll need before I submit them to ... well, we'll save that one for later,
  • and then he helped talk me off the ledge by employing one of two tactics that have always worked for me,
  • truckloads of flattery.
  • (The second is promises of cash or other negotiable currencies like M&Ms and Diet Coke.) 
As for our first winner, I'm unbelievably jealous of her because she's spent the last two years in England. I have a story about my English ancestors which convinces me I am the rightful Duchess of Little Farthingumberlandhamptonsheepshire (pronounced "Fizz"), but we'll save that for another post.

So, without further ado or shameless fabrication, I announce the winners of the Book of Jeremiah giveaway contest extravaganza soiree wing-ding dealio:
  • Cyd B, who has kept nieces and nephews entertained all summer long by making construction paper crowns and teaching them the real words to 'My Country, 'Tis of Thee.'
  • And Braden Bell, who very brilliantly chose to be born a guy, thus opening him up to the option of marrying a lovely woman who cared for the children while he talked his friends off ledges. Wait, no. I think there's more to that story. I think his parenting tactic of choice was was to say 'yes' to everything his kids asked, then run off to work before the cops arrived.
Send me your addresses, winners, and I'll get this DVD set off to you post haste! (That's Latin for 'fast mail,' like Mr. McFeely of Speedy Delivery will swing by your place on that 2,000 pound bike of his and fling it through your window.  See? I know stuff.)


Braden said...

The real reason I stopped reading your blog because I kept snorting out loud in faculty and high council meetings, as well as various lessons and rehearsals, in a vain attempt not to laugh out loud at everything you wrote because you are so funny! That, and the "L" and "O' keys on my keyboard were worn to little nubs from typing "LOL." Ok, I'll reform. I am honored to have won something.

AS Amber said...


Cyd B. said...

I AM SO EXCITED. I've spent the last two weeks in a sleep-deprived, chocolate-and-Cheetos (although not chocolate Cheetos, that would be weird) -overloaded, staggeringly brain-dead haze as I finished my masters' thesis and sent it off across the pond, and now I have several siblings' houses full of mini-Anglophiles AND an awesome DVD set on the way! Obviously, the last two years have been WORTH IT!!! (You're the best. One sparkly silver-cardboard tiara coming up!)