Imagine that this is a picture of several women holding books.
They've thoroughly enjoyed reading their books,
and now they've come together in their book group to discuss their delightful reads.
Also, there are refreshments in the kitchen, but you can't see those.
I am currently reading three books, which some might argue is two too many to really give the proper attention to story lines and such. I am also acquainted with a number of poor souls who believe that this is four books too many, because reading is the least of their problems.
The reason I can read so many books at once is that I've already peeked at the endings of two of them. So now I'm really only stumped by one story; the others are already friends whose trains just haven't made it to the station yet. I don't mind waiting, because I can pass the time by reading all that stuff in the middle 'til they get here.
I didn't mean to read the end of one of these books; I was just flipping through and I came across a section called "Book Group Questions," and I thought, 'Hey, if I read these questions, then I'll know what to pay special attention to when I read the book.'
And dang if those questions didn't just go ahead and give away the ending of the story. So then I went back to see how the author said all those things, because it was Haven Kimmel doing the talking and she had to have used better words than those question writers, and before I knew it, I'd read the end before I read the middle.
Now, as many of you know, I've been working on a novel since, as my mother often says, "Shep was a pup." If Shep was a pup back in 2009, then yes, this is an accurate statement.
Interestingly, at least to me, I've written so much beginning and middle I now have more than 112,000 words and 416 pages stuffed full of story. I have also written the very ending of my book, because I was dying to know if they ever kissed again without someone trying to shoot them. Yes, my novel is terribly romantic.
In fact, there is so much book in my book, I've decided there may actually be two, possibly three books lurking there. Wouldn't that be something? Have all my sequels written before I finished the first story? I bet this is how George Lucas feels all the time.
However, there are still maybe 5,000 more words to put somewhere in the end of the middle, or right at the beginning of the end, of my first book. So nothing is ready to publish yet. Shep may well die of old age by the time I finish my novel. But I can't worry about that; the life spans of fictional dogs are low on my list of concerns.
Anyway, I wondered if maybe writing up some Book Group Questions might kick start my (apparently) stalled novel-finishing mojo. And as soon as I wondered that, I said right out loud, "DeNae, no one quick or dead can procrastinate like you." It was a proud moment.
Book Group Questions for "DeNae's Awesomely Hilarious and Mysterious Novel"
- Isn't the working title of DeNae's book, like, off the charts amazing? List twenty things about it that you love.
- When the girl protagonist meets the guy protagonist while she's trying to chase the alien off the flag pole, should the girl protagonist be wearing go-go boots? If so, why? And if not, then why don't you just figure out her whole ensemble and email it to the author Miss Smartypants?
- What do you think of the author's complete lapse of judgment in not mentioning -- no, not once in 416 pages -- a vampire, a werewolf, or a teenager with emerging superpowers? Should she be flogged? Or just required to take night classes?
- The author discusses Zumba at a critical point in the book. However, since the book likely will not be published until Fall 2097, should she make up a new dance fitness craze, one that she will participate in for two weeks before bailing like she always does? Should it involve go-go boots?
- At the end of the book, when all that mystery solving happens, and those people go to jail or back to the office or maybe just home because honestly, it's been a long day, why doesn't anyone think to deal with the buffalo? Buffaloes don't up and stuff themselves, you know. What would you do if it was just you and the buffalo, and, like, six hundred yards of duct tape? The author is merely curious. Truly. Just making conversation.
Wow! Those were five of the most inspiring questions I've ever read! I bet you can't wait to see what the rest of the book is like, huh? Well, it won't be long now, I promise. I'm going to get right back to --
--oops, oh, hey, looky there! It's my turn in 'Words With Friends'.
Guess Shep'll have to grow up without me.