Friday, February 10, 2012

How Long is that in Dog Years?

Imagine that this is a picture of several women holding books.
They've thoroughly enjoyed reading their books,
and now they've come together in their book group to discuss their delightful reads. 
Also, there are refreshments in the kitchen, but you can't see those.

I am currently reading three books, which some might argue is two too many to really give the proper attention to story lines and such.  I am also acquainted with a number of poor souls who believe that this is four books too many, because reading is the least of their problems.

The reason I can read so many books at once is that I've already peeked at the endings of two of them.  So now I'm really only stumped by one story; the others are already friends whose trains just haven't made it to the station yet.  I don't mind waiting, because I can pass the time by reading all that stuff in the middle 'til they get here.

I didn't mean to read the end of one of these books; I was just flipping through and I came across a section called "Book Group Questions," and I thought, 'Hey, if I read these questions, then I'll know what to pay special attention to when I read the book.'

And dang if those questions didn't just go ahead and give away the ending of the story.  So then I went back to see how the author said all those things, because it was Haven Kimmel doing the talking and she had to have used better words than those question writers, and before I knew it, I'd read the end before I read the middle.

Now, as many of you know, I've been working on a novel since, as my mother often says, "Shep was a pup."  If Shep was a pup back in 2009, then yes, this is an accurate statement.

Interestingly, at least to me, I've written so much beginning and middle I now have more than 112,000 words and 416 pages stuffed full of story.  I have also written the very ending of my book, because I was dying to know if they ever kissed again without someone trying to shoot them.  Yes, my novel is terribly romantic. 

In fact, there is so much book in my book, I've decided there may actually be two, possibly three books lurking there.  Wouldn't that be something?  Have all my sequels written before I finished the first story?  I bet this is how George Lucas feels all the time.

However, there are still maybe 5,000 more words to put somewhere in the end of the middle, or right at the beginning of the end, of my first book.  So nothing is ready to publish yet.  Shep may well die of old age by the time I finish my novel.  But I can't worry about that; the life spans of fictional dogs are low on my list of concerns.

Anyway, I wondered if maybe writing up some Book Group Questions might kick start my (apparently) stalled novel-finishing mojo.  And as soon as I wondered that, I said right out loud, "DeNae, no one quick or dead can procrastinate like you."  It was a proud moment.

Book Group Questions for "DeNae's Awesomely Hilarious and Mysterious Novel"

  1. Isn't the working title of DeNae's book, like, off the charts amazing?  List twenty things about it that you love.
  2. When the girl protagonist meets the guy protagonist while she's trying to chase the alien off the flag pole, should the girl protagonist be wearing go-go boots?  If so, why?  And if not, then why don't you just figure out her whole ensemble and email it to the author Miss Smartypants?
  3. What do you think of the author's complete lapse of judgment in not mentioning -- no, not once in 416 pages -- a vampire, a werewolf, or a teenager with emerging superpowers?  Should she be flogged?  Or just required to take night classes?
  4. The author discusses Zumba at a critical point in the book.  However, since the book likely will not be published until Fall 2097, should she make up a new dance fitness craze, one that she will participate in for two weeks before bailing like she always does?  Should it involve go-go boots?
  5. At the end of the book, when all that mystery solving happens, and those people go to jail or back to the office or maybe just home because honestly, it's been a long day, why doesn't anyone think to deal with the buffalo?  Buffaloes don't up and stuff themselves, you know.  What would you do if it was just you and the buffalo, and, like, six hundred yards of duct tape?  The author is merely curious.  Truly.  Just making conversation.
Wow!  Those were five of the most inspiring questions I've ever read!  I bet you can't wait to see what the rest of the book is like, huh? Well, it won't be long now, I promise.  I'm going to get right back to --

--oops, oh, hey, looky there!  It's my turn in 'Words With Friends'. 

Guess Shep'll have to grow up without me.


Christine Macdonald said...

I am an end-of-book peeker, too!

Awesome questions, missy.

Let's hope for all of our sakes, your series gets published soooooon. You're too talented not to be.


Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Peeking is literary blasphemy. My son always tries that, and I'm always slapping his hand for it. When he get's a dog, I'll name him Shep.

Never in my life have a heard of a book so bizarre as the bits and pieces you have fed me about yours.

Can't wait to read it! :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee hee

Sometimes, when I really want to stall, I write up my thank you and acknowledgement page to the book I haven't completed--your name is on there of course--and if I'm really procrastinating I write a Nani Nani Boo Boo page about all the people who got in my way.

I read Haven's sad ending too--without skipping ahead. I think we need to tie her up and force her at gunpoint to write a sequel. Kinda like Misery. How can she leave us hanging like that?

Jillybean said...

I would say yes on the go go boots, hot pink please.*
I think the buffalo should wear the go go boots too.
What was the name of the book that you read the end first?

*Keep in mind that go go boots may cause serious injury if worn while attempting Zumba.

seashmore said...

Introductions are also bad for giving away endings. But sometimes I read them anyway.

And how do you know buffalo don't stuff themselves?

I'm going to try my hand at NaNoWriMo this year (yes, I know it's, like, a pregnancy away) but I'm terrible at finishing things. So I'm starting to think now of how I want it to end. Which is tough because I haven't considered how I want it to start.

Becca said...

*I bet this is how George Lucas feels all the time.*
Can I give you an Amen? We just saw YET ANOTHER disappointing Lucas film last weekend. Like, seriously, does the guy KNOW what a crit group is for? Someone should tell him, I guess.

GoGos are always a YES (for y'all with great legs).

Kazzy said...

Your writing talents are so enviable. When I did NANO it was like trying to get blood out of an anemic rock every night.

I can not wait to read your book. :)

Emily said...

Can I please have a signed copy of the book. Also, go-go boots every time. Throw in fishnet stockings. They can be just as handy as duct tape.

AS Amber said...

Yeah right. You quit Words so don't go acting like that's why Shep's growing up without you.

I can't wait til this book is done! You're killing all of us with the suspense! And I'd present it to my book club except they invited me to join and I said a resounding YES and then they went ahead and formed it without me. So that was awesome. True story. Sob.