Friday, December 23, 2011

Tiny Tim's Stocking Stuffers


DeNae's Salute to Fudge, Day 23:

Today you'll do the annual 'dry run,' where you lock the bedroom door and pull out all the crap wonder and joy you've been acquiring for the last five weeks .

I advise you to take with you all the fudge remaining in the house, as well as the Vesuvius cookies, the stained-glass candy and gingerbread Nutcracker replica, and the 62,000 plates of Rice Krispies treats that have been delivered to your home by your super duper neighborly neighbors.

A case of Diet Coke wouldn't hurt, either.  And a pound of Valium. 

This is because upon opening all the bags and boxes, and sorting everything into the appropriate 'piles,' you will discover that you bought so many gifts for three of your kids you'll have to build an addition to the house to store them all, and your fourth child has in his pile one package of boxer briefs and a copy of "Ariel's Soggy Sing-Along" on VHS, received as the result of a serious miscommunication with eBay.

Yeah, you're going to have to go back to HellMart.  I'm so, so sorry.

Before you go, however, polish off that fudge.  And add marshmallows to your shopping list, cuz it ain't over yet. 

6 comments:

esbboston said...

I think I want a windshield for Christmas. That will do. There was a tiny * that --/\~^~c~racked-~} when the defroster kicked on the other day.

Becca said...

I did the dry run last weekend only to discover that I apparently have a favorite child. Who had about twice as much wonder and joy as his sisters. (Lastborn sons are just easier to buy for. Can I get an AMEN?)

Kristina P. said...

I haven't received a single Rice Krispies treat this year. Bah humbug!

Merry Christmas, my friend!

Jillybean said...

I am doing the dry run through right now and I can't find an item that I know was delivered a few weeks ago.
Do you have any idea where it might be?
I went to WalMart AND Costco this morning. I've decided that the best way to lose any Christmas spirit I might have is to go shopping.

The Flying Endorphin said...

This made me LOL and left me wondering if I should liquify my fudge and take it by the bottle to hellmart for the last minute things I've been getting for two weeks now. It might prevent me from punching someone in the face and spending christmas in jail....

tammy said...

I went to Hellmart this morning but at 7:00 a.m. It's the only way.