Friday, September 30, 2011

Chit Chat

Tomorrow begins our annual Girls' Weekend.  I felt you should know this, in case you hadn't added it to your Google calendars yet.

Don't know if there will be any terminal waxing episodes, or if Amber will be able to control her bladder.  I can tell you that if the first one happens, the second will be a definite "No."

Amber always has to be the center of attention.

Anyway, before I leave town, I had some things on my mind that only you, my understanding and faithful bloggy pals, could help me sort out.  Also, I have clothes in the dryer, and I can't go to bed til they're done.
  • Why isn't anyone commenting on blogs any more?  It isn't just here; I've seen a definite dip in blog commentage lately.  People, people, people -- don't you realize that without this give and take, back and forth, Captain and Tenille kind of communication, we're all just typing in the wind?  You heard me:  Typing in the wind.  That's, like, the saddest thing I ever wrote.
  • Last night, I snored so loud that not only did I wake myself up, I scared myself half to death.  Let this be a warning to any sisters, mothers, or daughters who were hoping to share that great big master bedroom with me this weekend.
  • My new DVR allows me to fast forward up to FIVE arrows.  FIVE!  Back in Vegas, our inferior DVR only allowed three arrows.  I don't know what the arrows stand for, but I'm going with 'speed of light.'  I don't dare push it all the way to five, though.  I don't think I can handle that kind of power.  What happens if it starts fast forwarding so fast, it forwards to future programs?  What if I fast forward clear through shows that haven't even been invented yet?   I'm not sure if that's some kind of FCC violation, or if NASA would get involved, but I have no intention of finding out.
  • How come this latest generation of hackers is so smart, they can worm their way into your e-mail, bypassing all your super-secret access codes and stuff, and yet so stupid it doesn't occur to them that their universal translator has also been hacked?  So when they think they're e-mailing your contacts' list with the dire prophecy "Fear And Tremble, Pathetic Techno-Fools, The Day of Reckoning is at Hand," it shows up in everyone's inbox reading "Me Find Happy Shoe Tree, Now You Eyebrow Boss-Boss" with a link to a ferret ranch in Duluth.
  • While my husband and I were in North Carolina, our two youngest kids -- who are not toddlers, just to be clear; one is a high school graduate -- decided that a great way to use the emergency funds we left them for silly things like purchasing groceries and bribing border officials, was to go to the Hallowe'en store and purchase swords so they could choreograph and perform a sword fight scene.  These otherwise intelligent and semi-rational teenagers arrived at this point, NOT by first just pretend-fighting, NOR by seeing the swords, buying them, and then gradually working up to the fight scene, BUT by saying to one another, "Hey!  We should go to the store, buy two swords, and then make up a fight scene!" 
  • I now have a sampler, stitched and posted over the door, which says, "I don't know whose basement you'll be living in when you're 40, but it sure as hell won't be mine." 
  • I thought it was nicer than, "Bad news: You're going to die alone."
  • So when I told my 21-year old about this epic case of almost paralyzing nerdiness -- expecting a little support in the whole, 'Geez, what goofy little geeks they were that weekend!' -- her response was, "WOW! I totally have to see that!"
  • She's getting the sampler for Christmas.
  • I need to lose 60 pounds by March without dieting or exercising or sawing off a limb or changing in any noticeable way, except the whole "60 pounds skinnier" one.  Any suggestions?  Oh, and it can't involve celery.
  • Or Spandex.
  • Or erasing any of the 480 episodes of 'Hoarders' I have on DVR.  And since I can't fast forward because of the aforementioned space / time issues, I'm going to have to watch all of them with only three arrows' worth of commercial-skipping.
  • So, in a manner of speaking, my plate is pretty full.  You see my dilemma, don't you?
Aaaahh...I feel much, much better.  It was good to get all this stuff off my chest before our big outing.  Thanks for listening.  That's what we do for each other, right?  We listen, and ponder, and then comment to show that we care and that all that vapid blogging has not fallen on deaf, er, eyes.

Look, it's either that or come fold my laundry.  Do the math, peeps.


Jillybean said...

I guess I should probably comment because I can't even get my own laundry done.

If you figure out that whole weight loss thing where you don't actually have to do anything to lose weight, I would like to hear about it. Might I suggest that we meet at Leatherbee's and discuss the whole thing over a huge pile of ice cream dripping with caramel sauce?

Diana said...

My keyboards is acting iffy. Some days it types all the letters. Other times it doesn't. I need to lose 60 lbs too. For some reason, it isn't happening from watching BL. Maybe march/walk in place while watching Hoarders.

Kazzy said...

Oh, how I long for things like girls' weekends. But, alas, no daughters... I wonder if I could tag along one day when my adult sons get together for a weekend here or there. Nah.

60 lb secret (with all of the exercise and major diet tips thrown out): High protein, no snacking, no eating after 7 pm.

And there is nothing I love more than nerdy youth. Except for carbs, snacks, and late-night eating.

M-Cat said...

Look - it's ME - commenting!
Just because I read every last word you write doesn't mean I don't love you....

I totally get the low commenting issue. I've noticed it as well. Not sure what to make of it, other than that social networking site that is totally run by the commies and is used to spy on is - is to blame. It's a conspiracy man.

Either that or people are getting busy and/or lazy.

Becca said...

Do you know how sometimes you're that one at the table / party / Sunday School class / who just listens?

Wait. Who am I talking to?


Well, imagine being that one at the table who just listens. That's why comments are scarce. We're all imagining being that one. (Until we wet ourselves laughing. Then we just have to excuse ourselves from the table.)

Also, I find a little peace in typing to the wind. Usually.

And one more also: My word-veri is PREWORM. Ew. Ewww. Ewwwww.

Kristina P. said...

I would just like to point out that my post with the word "nut sack" in it has been up for 5 days, and I have not received a comment from you about this very important message I am trying to share with the world.

Have a great time this weekend! I miss you guys!

Christy said...

I have a friend who has decided to try weight loss via home lipo-suction. It involves a straw, duct tape and a shop vac. I've volunteered to be the first patient/victim. I'll let you know how that turns out....

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I think you were on to something the other day when your mentioned that cell phones are killing blogging. Truly a commenting obstacle.

I love your sampler. So funny.

I can't lose any lbs., so I have no advice about losing 60. Maybe move to Africa for a few months and get a parasite too?

Brooke said...

I discovered the greatest, sure-fire weight loss program this weekend! I lost 6lbs in 2 days. It's called The Stomach Flu. Added bonus: you get to lay in bed all day surfing Pinterest on your laptop, AND your visiting teachers bring dinner in for your family.

I figure that if I can manage to get The Stomach Flu once a month, I should have dropped 3-4 swim suit sizes by this summer. Sweet!

Although, I may need to arrange with my R.S. president to change my V.T.ers every month or so . . .

Melanie Jacobson said...

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but: Atkins.

Oh, I hate it, but it works. My new plan is do it for two weeks once a quarter until I lose these last 10-15 pounds.

And we have a mighty DVR too. Check this out: when I pause something downstairs, I can finish watching it upstairs. What kind of freakery is this?

Andrea said...

I don't want you to be typing in the wind anymore, so here's my comment.
I'd come fold your laundry any day.
Thanks for making me laugh on this otherwise dreary day.

Tena said...

I'm sorry for not commenting. In my ignorance, I thought comments were a nuisance. I wish I was in Utah. I'd fold laundry for you any day. I'm sure you have people all over who would do your chores in exchange for hanging out with you.

Brittany said...

Could I have the pattern for that sampler? I'm looking for a new embroidery project. And also your DVR too, please? I'd very much like to know what reality is in the future.

Jenny P. said...

I think cell phones have a little to do with low comments, and also people just being lazy. There are so many things online to suck people's time and interests, I think maybe people are pinteresting more and commenting less.

I've even noticed lately that a few biggish blogs have turned comments off all together, encouraging all reader/blogger interaction to happen on their facebook page instead. Don't know how I feel about that... but it's happening, yo.

My laundry is never folded.

I don't snore.

I DID comment on Kristina's nutsack post.

Me find happy shoe tree made me laugh out loud.

I need a girls night something fierce. Even though I just had one two weeks ago. It's time for another... this one with the mom and sisters I think...

Grammy Goodwill said...

Okay, I laughed out loud about the sampler - twice. I don't know about commenting. I'm relatively new, so I'm thrilled with ANY comments. If you figure out how to lose those 60 pounds, I guarantee you'll get LOTS of comments.
Oh, and get rid of the word verification - it's such a pain. Pretty please.

Myrnie said...

1) I'm not nearly as funny as you. So, um, it's embarrassing to show off my not-funniness!
2). Maybe people are reading on smart phones and tablets- harder to comment
3). The ranks of bloggers are shrinking, as established bloggers get too busy, and coming of age folks are using social media sites instead of blogging.

Those are my ideas at least!

Shari said...

I should comment more often on your blog site. I love reading your posts. You crack me up and that is a wonderful lift in my day here at work. Thanks for always giving me a laugh!!

Momza said...

The commenting thing:
I only comment if my viewpoint hasn't been shared already via someone else's comment. AND, if I actually care what the post topic is about.
Losing weight thing: I'm waiting for McD's to come up with Drive-Thru Liposuction...that way I can order a happy meal with a Sprite n' a little off the thighs all at the same time.
Hoarders is one of my favorite shows, and my husband hates it--because after I watch it, I want to throw away many many things. Mostly his.
And finally, as for the sampler--I think that's very ambitious. I can't cross stitch anymore since my eyes don't work like they used to. Well, I COULD do it, but it'd look kinda messy.

Annette Lyon said...

You're right--commenting is definitely down. I get more hits, fewer comments.

But I'm commenting to spread the love . . .

Oh, and if you go to Leatherby's to discuess weight loss with Jillybean, I'm coming.

Pidg said...

Haha! The sampler...ohmygoodness I cried when I read that. It's all I can do to not go into the workshop and make one for my own children! Christmas presents for the kids..check :)

Garden of Egan said...

Sheesh DeNae all you have to do is say no one is commenting and they comment to prove you wrong.
What an influence you have.
It's beautiful.

Have fun this weekend, I look forward to every bladder accident and waxing episode with the awesome detail that only you can give.

What is wrong with saber swords purchased with emergency money.
Totally OK.

Hel said...

Here's some comment love from me to you.

My comments are down, but that may be because I haven't posted anything since the dawn of time.

Dallas' grandma just washed, dried and folded all my laundry for me and no one cares how much weight I'm carrying because it's all baby (It IS!!! ok?) Maybe you should get pregnant and all your problems will go away.

Beka said...

I finished my laundry this morning!

Not bragging though cause it turns out that in the entire week that it took to fold last week's laundry, a whole new pile turned up and now I have to start over.

I. hate. laundry.

However, I LOVE the sampler! That there is genius!

LA Adams said...

Sorry, sorry, love to read but don't have anything funny to say! Keep up the great work and know we all love you!.........maybe you could remind me in a few months to jump on again.....hmmmm kinda like kids.

Donna said...

I still can't believe you moved. Still.....

InkMom said...

It's the time, DeNae! It's the time! No one has any! Can you tell I'm still drowning?!?

seashmore said...

Commenting has gone up on my blog, actually. Up to one every three posts.

For the losting weight thing, just control your metabolism by eating by the clock. I'm sure there are faster ways to lose weight, but this way is very low-maintenance.

And don't worry about your nerd children winding up alone in a basement; the nerd population seems to be expanding.

Wonder Woman said...

We've discussed this, DeNae. Smart phones are ruining blogging. I'm sure that one of the other 59 comments mentioned that, too, but I don't have time to read through them all. Also, I promise to be much better at commenting now that I've met you in person. Geez Louise.

Slimfast is the only thing I've ever used to lose weight, but I like it so far. I like the yummy shakes and the fact that they're so fast.

The Sword fight sounds awesome. Post a video. Send the sampler.

JoeinVegas said...

That girls weekend sounds like ever so much fun.
Which is why guys just go to strip clubs.

Cori :) said...

mom, since ur obviously so jealous, u can join our sword fighting club. ur welcome.

Lara said...

I don't comment's just too much time. I don't know what happened, but I suddenly have much less time than I ever have.

Also, Pinterest takes up more of my online time now....

But I'm still here reading. And laughing. And wishing for a girls' weekend!

Stephanie Black said...

Thanks for the laugh! Good way to start the day.

Becca said...

Girls' weekend update?

Baltzers said...

I find myself wanting to hit "like" after reading a really good blog entry. Commenting takes too much effort. Where is the like button blogger? Yes, I'm that lazy.

Karen Peterson said... mom gave me that sampler for Christmas one year...

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dawnanne said...

36 comments?! well here is 37. i don't know why commenting has dwindled. but i don't think you need worry (36?!) you are still a hoot, denae. i always get a good laugh here. (i just don't always comment :) )
so am i to understand from you recent comment on my blog, that you live near me now...? and have not been to see me?!