Wednesday, July 13, 2011

O Wise One Wednesday - I'm Back!

Dan Rizzoli is responsible for this owl picture. 
You don't like it?  Call him.

For goodness' sake, where have you all been?  It's been days, nay, weeks, since you were here!

Oh, wait. I'm the one who was missing.  Stop keening already, the professional mourning period has been temporarily suspended!

Why?  Because I'm BACK, BABY!

But only briefly.  So grab the popcorn, gather the family around the computer, and brace yourselves for some major wisdom.  It's been building up in me over these last two weeks like goo in a zit, and it's time to pop this bad boy all over your monitors.

I know!  Very exciting!  And good for you, too!

So, my first batch of wisdom is moving related, on accounta that's kind of what I'm doing right now.  We're being transferred to a super-secret FBI lair deep under Gotham.  I can't tell you its name, but it rhymes with the "Shmat Shmave."  The lighting isn't great but you CAN park your car in the living room, which I for one count as a major selling point.  Oh, and you can shoot rockets at the HOA president's house.  Seriously, who wouldn't want to live there??

So here's my moving wisdom:


Don't bother packing.  I can't actually advise you to burn your house to the ground in a questionable insurance fire. I can only say that, if you live in Las Vegas - where houses are worth less than the dog doo on their lawns - you are money ahead if you accidentally and totally not on purpose sleep-torch the place.  Make sure the kids and the Diet Coke are out of harm's way first.

WHEW!  That was some amazing wisdom, huh? 

And, hey, JayKay all you Patriot Actors who are absolutely NOT monitoring everything I put on my blog. (Really, who would even suggest something so preposterous? Not yours truly, who has absolutely nothing to hide no matter what my pinko commie neighbors say.)  The fact that I get regular, mysterious e-mails telling me that my kids left the mayo on the counter overnight should not in any way suggest that someone was working graveyards over at Patriot Act Central and used my webcam to check out the pantry.

TOTAL coincidence.

Anyway, I have BONUS wisdom to share, and it's here on this post that you didn't even know I posted because I used my magic Way Back Machine to reverse time so I could post this post before I posted the post that comes before the post you're now reading.

So click the link for even MORE exciting wisdom, and if you live anywhere in NW Las Vegas and hear sirens in the next couple of days, please don't worry.

The Diet Coke is safe.


Becca said...

My MIL's favorite joke:
Why did Batman go back to the Bat-cave?
He had to use the Bat-room!
(Insert hysterical laughter here)

(You're welcome.)

Garden of Egan said...

Glad the diet coke is safe.

Are you excited to move?
Is everything nicely packed or do the Patriot Act guys get to pack your stuff. If so, be afraid. They probably aren't so careful.

Does V know you're moving or are you going to surprise her when she gets home from college and finds you gone.
Sorta rude ya know.

Really glad it's you moving and not me. I'd rather have polio than pack up this crack house.

Melanie Jacobson said...

I will never move away from this house ever. Even if I had surprise septuplets and there absolutely wasn't room for everyone, I still wouldn't move.

Because I hate moving.

Good luck.

JoeinVegas said...

I was wondering about that bright spot out East a few days ago

Donna said...

Betsey told me you were moving....I didn't think she was serious.....can you divulge more details?

Jessica said...

I am so with you and the horrible moving issues. Movers just packed my patience and I'm not getting it delivered for almost 3 what?

Kazzy said...

Will you just get to UT already?