Oh, for heaven's sake. Is it Wednesday already? Honestly, I no more than get a pile of wisdom scooped into a paper bag and set afire on your porch than it's time to scoop and light again!
Fortunately, I'm heading out of town later this week, so I have all sorts of travel wisdom to share. This comes from years of living where all the relatives don't, so I'm, like, the Confucius of airplane wisdom. Seriously. I'm published in a number of your better quality fortune cookies and everything.
- Prayer is the only thing that keeps airplanes up.
- All the popular girls from your high school have an app on their phones that pings them whenever security searches your luggage and confiscates your tampons.
- Children turn into sociopaths at 30,000 feet.
- Every twelfth passenger to use an airplane lavatory gets sucked through the hole.
- It pays to count the passengers as they enter the airplane lavatory.
- Travelers to Las Vegas start their wild weekends the minute they board the plane in Duluth. They will arrive at their destination so stupid drunk they could be used as a floatation device in the event of a water landing.
- Las Vegans pray that travelers from Duluth use the airplane lavatory in rotations of twelve.
- Over the Grand Canyon.
Owl image by Danilo Rizzuti