Wednesday, May 18, 2011

O Wise One Wednesday


Wisdom time.  That's right, time to totally wise up. 

For those of you just joining us, I have added O Wise One Wednesday - appropriately acronymed O-WOW cuz that's what all these shovel fulls of wisdom inspire the dumpee to say, and not, as nameless sasspots in my now smaller circle of friends suggested, OW-OW - because I discovered I was so wise there wasn't any room left in my brain for remembering the names and gender identities of the characters on 'Glee.'

So every week I offload a batch of wisdom, and already I can remember that "Kurt" is the one who sings Liza Minelli tunes.

Today's wisdom comes from my real life experiences with driving, religious affiliation, and my hateful, diabolical karma, which clearly is plotting my demise and every night prays that - socially - I'll die a slow, humiliating and above all public death.

*ahem*

When you are driving down the road, and someone cuts you off, and you think, "That's it.  I have been patient with the licensed drivers of the universe and their flagrant disregard for my very visible vehicle already occupying the space they somehow feel the need to occupy themselves.  But it is time to take a stand, once and for all," and you speed up, lock eyes with that driver who is totally deserving of the puppet show you're about to share with them, and then proceed with the abbreviated 'wave' so popular on this country's highways...

...it won't matter if you're driving in Peru, on the moon, or (for reasons known mostly to the primary care physician writing your prescriptions) in your own garage...

...the next time you see that driver, she will be introduced to you as your new visiting teaching companion.

18 comments:

Scooby and Jon said...

Awesome. Just awesome.

TheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras said...

Oh. WOW. There really isn't much else to say.
:)

Melanie Jacobson said...

I quit flipping people off when I accidentally did it to an old couple from my new ward that was luckily a tad to aged to recognize me when next we met.

And also, my kid busted me. So that kind of cured me, too.

Becca said...

Precious, that is. Completely precious.

M-Cat said...

And that is the ultimate law of the universe.

True story - dude going to pick up his date from her home for a first date.
Flipped off driver en route.

Met the other driver when introduced as the father of his date.

*awkward*

I have found that with my highly recognizable car, I can no longer invite others into my number one club. Instead, I wait until I am in Splenda's car and then let loose. Thus ensuring that he will NEVER be called as bishop. Ever.

Kazzy said...

Yeah, a few years ago when I was the RS pres in my ward I tapped (cough cough) the horn at some dude who assumed I was turning right and turned right out in front of me. Later that week the bishop leaned over to me in a meeting and apologized. :)

Piana Mama said...

So, who's giving the first lesson?

DeNae said...

This really happened to me when I was young and stupid, freshly married and in our first ward. I've learned my lesson.

Dixie Mom said...

Shut up.

Reminds me of the time I was cussing in the kitchen and my kids came in the kitchen to tell me that my visiting teacher was there...in the living room...the whole time.

Rebecca said...

So funny! I guess I am too much of a goody two shoes to have ever done that. I was raised in the south where it was SO impolite to get mad. But since living here, I do verbally abuse them in the best and most vanilla way possible. I always have kids in the car, and they would reveal my secret at the worst time, I just know it.

Jillybean said...

I once chewed out my son who had just answered the phone because I told him that I didn't want to talk to the person who was calling, only to discover that he was holding the cordless phone, and she had heard the whole rant.

Hel said...

I am sure that now you are older you just flip them off the next time you see them and then say "Oh, this? This is me waving hello."

Jennifer said...

DeNae - that was laugh out loud hilarious. I'm always afraid if it's an older person, I could possibly be flipping off or cursing out a general authority! Love your blog! Broadcast Bloggers Unite!

Jennifer - itshairraising.blogspot.com

Mikki said...

Well, at least it wasn't your bishop or the stake pres.

Inspector Clouseau said...

Nice work. I came across your blog while “blog surfing” using the Next Blog button on the blue Nav Bar located at the top of my blogger.com site. I frequently just travel around looking for other blogs which exist on the Internet, and the various, creative ways in which people express themselves. Thanks for sharing.

Melissa Bastow said...

Ha ha. That's great.

Braden said...

"already I can remember that "Kurt" is the one who sings Liza Minelli tunes."

The way you capture entire currents of pop culture in one liners is astonishing. Brilliant.

TisforTonya said...

True Story: I once was in traffic and annoyed beyond belief at the guy in front of me who had been signaling a left turn for the past 6 miles of the freeway while driving just under the speed limit. Gunning around him I was ready to shoot my dirtiest of looks... which quickly turned into a friendly smile, wave and "Hi Bishop".