Wednesday, May 4, 2011

O Wise One Wednesday

Lifelike rendering of very large-eyed owl by Danilo Rizzuti



Once again it's time for O-WOW, the opportunity to bask in the glow of my brillianacity and uber geniusness and stuff.

Today, I have a dose of spiritual advice to offer.  Fold your arms, please.  And bow your heads.  And close your eyes.  That eye closing one is super important.  It helps you to focus on what I'm saying.  And it makes it easier for me to eat the last brownie without getting caught.

*ahem*

Fasting is a very good way to cleanse the body, invigorate the soul, and receive answers to prayers.  However, if you are fasting and praying that others will think you are sick or are recovering from surgery or just had a baby, and will bring dinner to your house for when your fast is over and you're, like, crazy hungry, you should know this almost never happens.  Also, they will want to hold the baby.

16 comments:

Dixie Mom said...

Dang.

Scooby and Jon said...

You are oh so very wise.

seashmore said...

Duly noted.

Here's one for next week: how do you turn friends/acquaintances into customers without sending them on guilt trips?

Becca said...

Okay, Wise One. How do I know if I'm weird, or if it's everyone else I know that's weird? I mean, is there some kind of test?

M said...

Dammit - my master plan has bben foiled. Actually, I hate it when people bring me dinner. I love the gesture, but hate the food. Unless they bring take out.

And what can I do to gain such wisdom? Is it the peanut butter m&m's? Cause I'll sacrifice if I need to

Garden of Egan said...

So your saying I am not getting dinner from DeNae?
I've been fasting and fasting.

Iam not sure I would eat something from someone elses kitchen........I have seennsome scary kitchens.

I posted a pix of V on my blog.

L.T. Elliot said...

Couldn't I give them one of those fake babies that they give to high school kids to discourage future progeny?

wendy said...

How was your brownie. Dang, talking about fasting and you're eating a brownie.
I am typing this with my eye's closed........like you asked. But I had to unfold my arms.
I am a rebel that way.

I wish you were my visiting teacher.

DeNae said...

@Seashmore. You pick a fight, break up with them, then make amends by offering them Pampered Chef products.

@Becca. Yes, there is a test. Do people say, "You remind me a lot of DeNae?" Then I'm sorry. You're weird. But it could also be that they're just stupid. They tend to clump together, so if you come across one who seems stupid, you can just write off everyone in a 30 foot radius.

@Melissa. Peanut butter M&Ms are the rewards of wisdom. But eating them might make you wise, too. It's worth a shot.

@Laura. The fake baby is brilliant. I've just been putting a onesie on a 10 pound bag of flour and drawing eyes atop the "Gold Medal." So far no one has believed me, except Sister Munch, the 90-year old compassionate service leader. And I think she was just being compassionate.

@Tauna. Heading your way right now to view pix of my kid!

AS Amber said...

@Wendy. DeNae doesn't believe in visiting teaching.

@DeNae. When are you getting into town???

@O-WOW. This just really sucks. Since I'm usually the one bringing people the food, it'd be nice to have someone bring it to me for a change! I'd even let them hold Harley.

Karen Peterson said...

I think my first problem was fasting at all...

Cheeseboy said...

HA HA HA! THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER!

TisforTonya said...

so... you're saying I have to actually borrow a kid too? I might have to just cook for myself, because I'm not a big fan of kids that are too young to wipe themselves and put themselves to bed.

Kazzy said...

brillianacity--- Love this word!

Thanks for taking time to smarten us all up.

Qait said...

You must be doing something wrong, because it always works for me.
I think you just have to get your kids in on the act and make them fast too (and THEY have to fast for weeks until they look like emaciated, dejuiced fruit and everyone's convinced the family's starving).
They'll bring you dinner.
Patience.
It always works.

Holding babies though? My latest excuse is that I'm still overcoming a cough (which is true), and they don't want me coughing all over their baby (which is true). So I get to talk the talk without looking like a hypocrite for not walking the walk.
In short, the Baby thing won't always work.

Kim Bee said...

OWO...i bowed my head but once I closed my eyes I couldnt read the rest of your post - did anyone else have the same problem? I'm obviously not very wise which is why I need your ever amazing wisdom.....maybe we should have "Oh blonde one friday"? kidding......I'm a bottle blonde