Saturday, January 29, 2011

Stand Down Red Alert

I'm feeling much more my usual, sunshine and daffodils self.  My husband came home yesterday, which meant I got my first decent night's sleep in a week.  He's been at a conference, and I don't sleep when he's away.  I lie awake listening for mashers breaking into our house.  You know.  Mashers.  My mother was always warning us against mashers.  Mostly because her mother warned her against mashers.  I'm not sure what they mash, precisely.  I just know they're bad news.  That's why I use an electric mixer when I whip up the Sunday potatoes.

An update to my earlier post:
  • The Lexus-driving criminal who rear-ended our daughter actually damaged the car.  Trunk won't open without brute force.  Also, our Camry can no longer play the violin.  I hope that monster in the Lexus is satisfied with the shattered lives she's left in her wake.
  • My son has been moved into a different algebra class.  I'm confident this is all it will take to make him Sterling Scholar in Mathematics. 
  • A bunch of wonderful people have emerged from the woodwork, asking for opportunities to help with the Matthew Blanchard Foundation.  And none of it involves babysitting or bringing meals.
  • We've made our peace with the possibility that Jake won't get credit for seminary this year.  Or that he'll have to do truckloads of makeup work.  Considering that I flunked my last quarter of seminary and was able to earn the credit anyway by singing a 2-minute song at a teachers' meeting the following fall, I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how OK I am with this situation.
  • My depressed daughter got some very good advice from her doctor yesterday and some very yummy pills from her pharmacist today, so I expect her to start running on all cylinders soon.  I'm all about the yummy pills.  
  • Me and my Bag o' Chemical Delights, courtesy of my drug-dealer, er, I mean, Primary Care Physician.
  • My big boy's FB status recently was "I love Karyn Stubbs."  I can't begin to tell you how gratifying it is to see your child so happy, particularly now that football season is ending and he no longer has a reason to shoot a cannon into the stands.  Hey, everyone needs a hobby.
  • The kid who teases my younger son about his man boobs was smushed flat in a bizarre accident involving six gallons of Crazy Glue and a buffalo stampede in the school cafeteria.  So that situation is looking up.
  • I left the house in a bit of a snit tonight, and headed straight for Baskin Robbins.  Took Stieg Larsson along for the ride, and sat in the Target parking lot, scarfing a monster hot fudge sundae and reading "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo."  What can I say?  I have a natural talent for mental health. 
Have a wonderful weekend.  That's an order. 

21 comments:

Dixie Mom said...

Good update. So you're saying things are looking good? I'd say so. :)

Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

I laughed out loud at "MASHER". I really like your writing style.

InkMom said...

Are mashers related to knackers? I think they have something to do with haunted mines. And the very thought just freaks me out.

I don't sleep when my husband is away, either. Unless he has all the kids with him. Then, I sleep like the dead.

How do you like Larsson? I didn't really like "Dragon Tattoo". Couldn't tell you why. But everyone else does, so I must be the strange one.

Make your Saturday as stress free as possible, okay?

Becca said...

Once I sat in on a Bishop's morality lesson to the YW. He brought a muffin. On Fast Sunday. He petted it. He passed it around. Then he stuck his thumb on it. Pushed it with the palm of his hand. MASHED it. And said, and I quote, "Don't let anyone mash your muffin." Appalling? Oh, my. Disturbing? To a GREAT degree. Years of comedy material? Oh, you betcha.

Marianne said...

Well, that's better. I'm glad things are looking up.

And you must see the same mental health fella that I do! Hot fudge sundaes are always part of my therapy, too...

Oh, and I thought you were going to say that the man boob teaser met up with a masher. That only seems fair, don't you think?

;-)

NatureGirl said...

Marauders always threaten us. Mashers sound bad...

Hot fudge is even better than pills sometimes. Ok. All the time. Maybe hot fudge with the pills? Where the stink did I put the hot fudge...

Hel said...

PHEW! It's always so nice when husband comes back...

wendy said...

I believe in obeying orders.
I read those books..........I liked them actually. I'd like to see the movies, but they have sub titles, and I am not down with sub titles.

I call the scarry folks in the dark...slasher dudes. I am always on the look out for slasher dudes. Living in the country, they could be hiding behind all the trees, or camaflouged (sp) as a moose. Could. Happen.

glad to see some of your "incidents" have been taken care of.

um, I never went to seminary.
and My oldest child, would skip most other classes to ATTEND seminary....all. day. long.
Hard to punish a kid for that (tee,hee)

Garden of Egan said...

I've wondered about Larsson's books and wondered if they were good!

My hubs has been in Canada for two weeks and I didn't worry one time about mashers. But it probably isn't a big deal, cuz it's so dang cold here nothing scary is able to survive the cold bitterness of this tundra.

Glad the kid got "mashed" in the cafeteria. I love justice.
Glad the daughter got some yummy pills.

I wish I had a Baskin Robbins here. I could use a few moments in a parked car making out with some yummy gooyness.

Jessica said...

I don't sleep very well without the husband around either. I am a big wimp when it comes to noises in the house, but I am glad I didn't know about Mashers while he was last gone.
I wonder why I hadn't heard about Mashers before?
Glad you are doing better! Hot fudge is a miracle drug.

Patty Ann said...

Oh yeah, I remember hearing about mashers! Love the hot fudge sunday idea! I think I could so use one right now. Great post!

AS Amber said...

YAY!! The buffalo stampede I ordered worked! I hadn't anticipated the crazy glue but it was definitely a nice touch!

Baskin Robins has the very BEST praline and cream ice cream. The only thing that could make it better would be Leatherby's caramel on top.

"Mashers" were before my day. I never heard mom say that. It definitely sounds like something she'd say, though. And she's reading those books, too. LOVES. THEM. I guess I'll have to look into it.

So excited to see you next week! XOXO

Jillybean said...

Isn't it amazing how chocolate will make everything better?
(said by someone who just made 5 pounds of fudge)

Brandy Rose said...

Glad things are looking up for you :)

T said...

I think I had a wonderful, witty, and inspiring comment...

but then I read Becca's comment and it's going to be awhile before I recover from that disturbing imagery.

:)

L.T. Elliot said...

That picture should be framed and hung in the Louvre. I'm just saying.

I've decided not to drink milk when reading anything that you write. Because the mashers about did me in. (but that's why I'd use a mixer, too.)

You know what? Your sons should team up. The one could bring the football cannon to the class with the man-boobs-jerkwad and give him a t-shirt...all up close and personal. And all for the low, low price of an ensuing appendectomy!

Momza said...

I'd like a one-day Pass into your noggin...wow. Just one day.

Kazzy said...

I think your mental health is so spot on.

And what does it say about me that I sleep great when my husband is away? What? I like the bed to myself here and there.

Cheeseboy said...

That criminal that rear ended your daughter deserves that glue treatment too. Sounds like other than that, things are looking up. Hope you can make it through January.

I got kicked out of Seminary for being too much of a smart alleck. (But I'd replace alleck with another word.) I still graduated though.

Did you see I dressed up as Barney and picked up Chinese food?

Baltzers said...

Love the blog, it will take me hours to soak it all in. I should have known you were good at many more things than music!

The picture of your daughter below (right next to you), are you sure that isn't a twin sister?

Adaire

Lisa Loo said...

A good chemical intervention is like mana from heaven ;0)

I think I will need a new one to rid of that muffin visual--