Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Wages of Sin and Related Good News

Holy cornucopias, Manbat!  It's November 1st already, and you know what that means.  That's right, a full day of chugging Pepto Bismol and swearing off anything rhyming with Shmalloween Shmandy.  I don't know how the rest of the Christian world finally dealt with the whole "Halloween on Sunday" issue, but it turned out to be completely sinful for me. 

Of course, it's always sinful for me.  More to the point, I'm always sinful on Halloween.  Every year, I spend the weeks leading up to the big day trying to turn myself into a corpse.  Halloween on Thursday?  Totally sinful.  Halloween on Tuesday?  Wicked.  Halloween on Columbus Day?  Bring it, Chris.  I'll scarf your Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria shaped Reese's Peanut Butter ... um, boats.  Life sized, no less.  I've seen the original ships' designs; they weren't that big.  And then the next day, I'll vow not to eat anything bigger than a Life Saver.

Ha!  Did you get that?  The joke about how they keep life savers on boats and I said I'd only eat Life Savers?

Ugh.  This is what I'm talking about. The gods of humor and good writing are punishing me for the overindulgences of the last 24 hours.

I think that while I'm repenting for all Butterfinger-related transgressions, I'll stick to playing the straight man.

Besides, I've got a bunch of cool things to tell you about, and none of them really lend themselves to punch lines.

OK, first, word on the street has it that there are still tickets to the Bloggy Boot Camp in St. George on November 13.  When you click the link, one of the first faces you'll see is MINE.  Don't let that worry you; it gets better.  A couple of my favorite gals are also speaking, including Kristina Pulsipher, who I've got it on good authority will breastfeed a live baby during her presentation.

(Hmm?  What's that?  Kristina won't be doing the breastfeeding?  Annie is coming, and she'll be feeding her own personal baby?  In the audience?  Dang.  I wish someone had told me that before I distributed the media packages.) 

Second, but certainly not, you know, second, my dear friend, the brilliant painter Jana Winters Parkin, just announced the publication and availability of her new book, "What Think Ye of Christmas". 

I've actually had a copy of this beautiful book for a couple of months, and I'm not exaggerating when I say, it is in every possible sense a Work of Art.  Later this month I'll be doing a complete review and a giveaway.  But for now, pop over to her web site.  I've had the privilege of wandering through her studio.  Jana is the real deal, folks. You want this book.  Spend any time on her site and you'll want three of everything you see there.  Spend a couple of hours gabbing over waffles with her, and you'll want to just move in and live with her forever and ever.

Third, but seriously, it's more like first redux redux, I went ahead and signed up for NaNoWriMo.  Why, you ask?  Because I'm a lunatic.  I thought we had established that already.  So if any of you are doing NaNo, find me over there - writing under the obscenely creative pseudonym 'DeNae' - and buddy up!

Fourth, and you know it's still a variation on 'first', the Casual Bloggers Conference 2011 has a new community.  Possessing all the internet savvy of pudding skin, I'm still figuring out how cool 'communities' really are.  But I can tell you one thing:  If a virtual CBC community is anything like the real CBC community turned out to be, then sign me up, sister.  That conference is in late September, and I hope you all will be able to make it.  I think I'm speaking at that one, too, although as of this morning my bribe hadn't shown up in the organizers' offshore accounts.  I'm just assuming the good folks at Wire Transfers R Us are slogging through a Halloween hangover, same as all the rest of us sinners.

So, let's recap: 
  • I ate too many Butterfingers, which killed my sense of humor and actually put me in such a delusional state I voluntarily took a fitness-type walk this evening.  Film at 11.
  • BBC has a few tickets left, and they've got your names on them.
  • Kristina will not be breastfeeding anything this month.
  • Jana Parkin's book is out and awesome and a must-have this holiday season.
  • I'm doing NaNo because I won't be happy until my butt has become computer-chair shaped.
  • CBC 2011 is tearing it up, and you don't want to miss anything.
  • I've invented a new shape for Reese's Peanut Butter cups, which we won't be including in the Shmalloween Shmandy category, but will be perfect for the "I Saw Three Ships" collection of Shmistmas Shmocking Shmuffers.
Whew.  Time for a Pepto Bismol nightcap, and then I'm off to bed.  See you in my dreams!


Sharon said...

I also wrote briefly about NaNoWriMo on my blog. I added you as a NaNoWriMo buddy, and I hope you will add me (revmama) to your list. NaNo snacks are most definitely not optional! Enjoy!

charrette said...

Again? You're already doing NaNo again?!? I fear it will take me the rest of my life to take the schlock I wrote last year and turn it into something coherent! Still...feeling a little wistful about it. You go, girl!

Actually, the biggest reason I'm not doing NaNo right now (Ha! I started to say Write Now) is because of my other book, which you were so very kind to mention here. I had no idea a book deal would continue to take over my life after it was printed.... :)

And you, lovely lady, butterfingers or not, never fail to make me laugh! Film at 11? Awesome!

charrette said...

p.s. I need to know more about this year's book. Are you writing something completely new? I need details!

Love you --

Becca said...

NaNo is for people who are able to meet a goal. Women fo Character, you know. Way to be one of them. I have my own writing goals for November, and none of them include blogging about fudge. But you will be blogging about fudge, will you not? Because, you know, however ambivalent I may be about Actual fudge, I wouldn't miss DeNae's Virtual Fudge Fest for all the Nina-shaped peanut-butter boats on land or on sea.

(Also, my word-veri is Jacist - as in Jamaican Racist. I just thought you should know.)

Maureen Mullis said...

I'm also doing NaNo, and will add you as a buddy. Check out my blog www.maureenmullis.blogspot.com and good luck in November. See you there!

NatureGirl said...

STOP STOP....I haveta pee....

Kristina P. said...

I can't believe you said I was breastfeeding a baby at BBC. I am breastfeeding a unicorn!! Did you not understand my FB messages last night?

And I would rather watch a Mario Lopez marathon, where he never wears a shirt, than participate in Nanomanbanana.

T said...

I'll be at Bloggy Boot Camp in St. G - but I'm highly disappointed that KP won't be breastfeeding on stage.
a unicorn though? hmmm... okay, but when my little ones got teeth I hated breastfeeding - a unicorns sounds WAY worse.

and NaNoWriMo sounds a little insane - no, strike that, a lot insane. Enjoy! (I'll still be munching on the vanilla tootsie rolls and PayDay bars that I confiscated from the kids)

Uptown Girl said...

I'm feeling oddly regretful that I didn't eat more candy for Halloween. What a missed opportunity.

Garden of Egan said...

Hope you are able to get over your Halloween Candy indulging-ness. You probably are still jittery...oh, maybe not, cuz of all the DC running through your veins.
Wish I could be in St. G to watch Kristina breastfeed. I'm sure with enough peer pressure we could get her to do it.
I'm sure the class you're teaching will be inspiring and will bring people to tears..........or running for their Attends.

Lara said...

You mean I can't finish eating the cauldron full of candy next to my front door thanks to not having very many trick-or-treaters?


Wishing I could attend the boot camp, and knowing I will miss you this November. Write something great!

Lisa Loo said...

So does this mean your fudge will now contain Kristina's unicorn's breast milk???

I am so confused....

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Thanks for the recap at the end. I was so entertained I was a little disoriented.

I'll definitely make it to CBC this time around, so sign me up as a speaker. Wait, I mean I'll do the sign language/interpretive dance for YOUR session.

And your description of halloween and ensuing hangover is how I spend far too much of my life, just on a smaller scale- like just the Pinta.

Melanie Jacobson said...

How do you make even an update-style blog post funny? Geez. I'm still on the fence about NaNoWriMo. Think I ought to make up my mind since it's THE SECOND DAY already?

Oh, hell, I'll do it. What's going to happen if I don't hit the goal? The NaNo police are going to get me? I'm such a pansy.

JoeinVegas said...

Never can have too many peanut butter cups

Mikki said...

You could send me all your butterfingers DeNae, I'd be happy to take that hit for ya'!
I was thinking nanomowri stood for national NO WRITING month. I guess this is better, at least this way I know where to find you when I need something good to read!

Mikki said...

I must be totally insane. I just signed up too.
I've written stuff over the years--lame stuff that I wouldn't ever even dream of putting out there for the world to see.
Yeah, I must be nuts.

Cheeseboy said...

I didn't know that Butterfingers had such amazing powers.

I am not sure if I am more intrigued or less by the thought of Kristina breastfeeding on stage. Strangely more, if only because I don't think it can be done.

Hey, your good buddy Harry won yesterday!

Kazzy said...

Love your recap. I suggest a really small and perky computer chair. And I want to come to Your boot camp so bad, but alas, have other things that day.

Looking forward to CBC again. Loved it!

annie valentine said...

I've considered leaving the baby with Jason for the day, but he doesn't really enjoy lactating.

(Do you know that if I try to do cardio while nursing my milk dries up and I can't lose weight? Poor me. I have to sit on the couch and watch Project Runway instead. Pooh.)

Ca88andra said...

Glad I found your blog, I'm now grinning from ear to ear!

The Damsel In Dis Dress said...

Oh dear, I'm reading your post days and days after you posted it.


uh, nanowrimo. It ate my life. Added you in order to procrastinate further. The process didn't take nearly long enough. (I'm cosette)

myimaginaryblog said...

You should be following me on twitter (@imaginaryzina) because then you would have the joy of seeing all my NaNoWriMo variations, such as:

NaNoWhiNo--National No Whining Month

NaNuNaNu--National Mork & Mindy Month

NaNoFeeFieFo--National being eaten by a giant month

AS Amber said...

I'm so sad I won't be able to see KP nurse her unicorn or Annie nurse that beautiful little Georgia! Waaaaah! Sounds like it's going to be so fun, though!

And even on "humor restriction", you're still hilarious! Love you!

Debbie said...

I'm still confused about why Kristina isn't taking one for the team. Are her breasts busy that day? Is someone else's baby not good enough for her? Something is fishy about this.

L.T. Elliot said...

I LOVE Jana's book. You're right about it being a work of art. It's just incredible. I want each picture blown up to a zillion and making like a mural on the wall.

Way to go on Nano! I know you'll rocketh! Go forth and multiply...the words. ;)