Friday, October 22, 2010

Odds n' (Week)Ends

I subscribe to Writer's Digest, because I'm convinced that doing so makes me a real writer.  Same as 'not getting dressed until one in the afternoon' and 'calling forty consecutive games of Spider Solitaire brainstorming'

And I was reading one of those articles with a title like "Five Things That Make Me an Uber Successful Writer and You a Complete Tofu-Head", feeling all superior because I was pretty sure I was doing all the same things this article writer dude was doing - if you swapped out "drink coffee first thing in the morning" for "eat one pound of peanut butter M&Ms per thousand words" - which placed me firmly in the 'Uber' club, and hacks like JK Rowling and Leo Tolstoy in the 'Tofu' club.

And then Mr. Uber said, "Any word written on your blog is a word not written in your novel."

At which point, I sorta freaked, and accidentally ate the whole pound of M&Ms without even turning on my computer.  Because I've written oodles and oodles of blog posts, and almost every one of them used, like, TONS of words!

"Holy crap!" I exclaimed, because I've been practicing my creative dialoguing skills.  "There probably aren't even any words left for my novel!  I'm going to have to start noveling in one of those made up languages like Esperanto or French or something!"

Needless to say, I was most chagrined ... no, wait, I've already used chagrined.  OK, I was most distressed ... nope, used that one, too.  Fine.  I was most malheureux.  Happy now, Mr. Uber Writer Guy?

Anyway, that's why I'm blogging less.  I miss all of you, my bloggy pals.  But apparently I'm on a word diet, and we all know how well the words "I" and "diet" get along, unless "diet" brings his pal "Coke" and we make it an innocent, happy threesome.

I did have something of a breakthrough today, in that I now have a plot line for my little murder mystery that may actually keep readers in suspense all the way through Chapter Two.  So that's good news!  I mean, ood-gay ews-nay.  Dang, this whole word budget thing is tough.

But I did want to mention the other thing that has been going on besides the fact that Agatha Christie is considering an early resurrection just to hand her (kinda grody) crown over to yours truly.

My mother and sisters and sister-in-law and daughters and nieces enjoyed our annual Girls' Weekend.  You may remember our last Girls' Weekend, in which Amber demonstrated her brilliant waitressing skills by waxing off all of our facial hair.  This year we were delighted to see her display of "How Thirty-Four Year Olds Don't Go Pee-Pee Cuz They're Big Girls Now", the photographic evidence of which is seen below.

The reason Amber is having to 'contain' herself is that Jill and Kim snuck out, put on scary wrestling masks, and then knocked on the door.  Amber, being the youngest, was obliged to give up her comfy spot on the couch to answer the door, and therefore absorbed the full blast of our wicked sisters' diabolical stunt. 
But she coped well.  Only screamed for 45 minutes straight. 

We had a great time, like always.  Even when it turned out that the National Parks' Service has no sense of humor when it comes to posting digital signs that read "Road Closure: Monday - Friday, 8:00 p.m. to 8:00 a.m.  Seriously.  We mean it.  You leave Zion's National Park at 7:59 on a Friday night, and you'll be buying yourselves a loooooong drive back around to the opposite entrance where your cabin is located.  Don't even ask if we're kidding.  We're totally not.  This is a recording.  Idiots."

Wait.  'Road Closed' means 'Road Closed'??  Since when??

But as far as we're concerned, you can't drive from Springdale, Utah to Cedar City, Utah - via Guatemala - often enough.  So it was win-win.

We did the eating and gabbing and - did I say 'eating' already? - thing, and generally just hung out and enjoyed a beautiful weekend together.

              My mom and me                                                                                  My girls, mom, and me

The sisters:  DeNae (that's me), Amber, Kim, and Jill

The whole hee-haw gang, minus one sil, who'd better get her kiester out to GW 2011

Anyway, that's the update.  I had more to tell you, about this cool poem I read and this personality quiz I took that didn't make an ounce of sense (it was one of those magazine tests that says stuff like "You prefer calendars with numbers on them.  People wearing red are drawn to your leadership abilities but are put off by your creepy squint.  Don't marry a banana."  So, yeah, I'm totally self-aware now.)

Unfortunately, all those stories will have to wait.  I just checked the meter, and I'm plum out of wor--


Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I'm sorry you've been feeling malheureux. that's so . . . you know, abrumador.

That picture of Amber is hilarious. That (and the PB M&Ms) almost makes me want to be your sister.

You'd better have some words left for that NOvember deal because your words are half the reason I'm coming. Good luck on your novel until then. :)

Just SO said...

I love your girls weekends. So much fun. That picture of Amber is hilarious!!

Hel said...

Well, if you aren't going to give me my DeNae fix, I demand you start sending your manuscript to me. OR if you are totally against that, then I suggest you start borrowing words from other people's posts...

Although, I guess I really can't talk - my blog currently resembles a well used old tissue.

Lisa Loo said...

Maybe you could start using these word verifications?????

Since I am not a writer and I miss your wonderfulnessness---maybe you could just take all the words I have laying around??

And last but not least---and I know I have said it before---did you know that I am up for adoption?? Yup.

Kristina P. said...

Man, I miss you guys!! And I'm glad you explained that wrestling match picture, because I thought it was some weird sex thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Becca said...


1 pound of Peanut butter M&Ms - can it be switched straight across for the Peanut ones?

Tofu-Head and pig latin - can we get some more of that in blog posts, please?

Can I be an honorary sister? I'd dye my hair brown. I really would.

Am I the only one who made an actual snort reading "innocent, happy threesome"?

Anna said...

Stopping for a 'ho'made pie should have made it all worth it. Or so I hear, I just have to giggle at the sign every time I see it. I think you should just make up your own vocabulary. DeNae-ese should make a great novel. Or blog.

AS Amber said...

A ha ha!!! So much fun! Those stupid, stupid sisters of ours!! And it's so true...I'm the youngest so I have to get the door. Not ONE of u even made a move for the door. Evans though Alison is younger than me, she's married to an older brother and is, therefore, older by marriage. (Just as your the youngest by marriage in Romeo's family.)

I love love love that picture of you and mom!!! Most the time you look like dad's family but now and then're mom's!

I also laughed out loud at "innocent threesome". A ha ha!!! Love you!

Allyson & Jere said...

You are genius. I'm sad you're on a blog break of sorts, but glad for the tid bits of funny that you do throw to us now and then.

Girls weekend looks like a BLAST! We did that a couple of times, and clearly need to do it some more. Nothing like good female, family bonding!

Lara said...

Diets stink, whether they're word diets or food diets. So I feel for you. But I'm glad you had such a fun weekend, even though whenever I see stuff like that it makes me wish intensely that I had sisters. Although, I have daughters, so soon enough we'll be doing this.

And speaking of my daughters, Sophia just pointed at your picture and asked, "Is that your friend?" and when I said "Yes" she said, totally shocked, "You have TWO friends????"

So, apparently you and somebody else are my only friends. I'm glad that at least one of them makes me laugh on a regular basis, but sad that she's gone on a word diet...

Subee41 said...

OK, it wasn't M&M's, but I almost ate a whole box of Hot Tamales! Um, those things can be hot!

Anway, I was told by someone who has had her book published, that writing a blog was a good thing. She is the one who encouraged me to start mine and said it is a good way to teach yourself disciple in writing. So I'm thinking you need to ignore that piece of advice you read, and start blogging a bit more! :-)

Seriously, I know (or at least I think), you need to spend more time with the book writing right now than with the blog writing, but don't forget about us in blogsville who look forward to your "expose." (I don't recall reading that in any of your blogs so I think it is safe to use it...)

Anyway, I now you are full of activity (i.e. busy), but if you get a chance, I'd like you to read today's blog and give me some constructive criticism.

Hope to see you blogging again soon!



M-Cat said...

Nice to know that someone else has accidentally eaten the entire bag of peanut butter m&m's.

: )

aunt dyanne said...

What the hell is accidental about eating a whole bag of PB M&M's?

I quite often eat a whole bag completely and totally ON PURPOSE and with every intention of finishing what I started!!!!

Just sayin'

and what I was going to say, before i read the comments...

You make my heart smile.

Jessica said...

I only have 1 sister, but we have a hysterically fun time together. Can't imagine how great it would be if there were more sisters...maybe I should talk to my mom about giving me another sister. Do you think she would?

Girls Weekend looks like a fantastic time!

L.T. Elliot said...

Crap! I'm SOL on words now, too. =P *mumbledy mumbledy*

Your girl weekend looks like TONS of fun and your sweater just rocks! =] I'm so happy for the plot progress and just want you to know that I love ya. *hugs*

Karen Peterson said...

I'm so glad you had a great time.

I'm not all that sorry that Melanie and I tried to make you late, though. :-)

I'd post a longer comment, but now I'm stressed about MY word allotment!

Melanie Jacobson said...

Malheureux . . . sounds suspiciously like Mello-Roos, which are an obnoxious tax that we pay in California if our development had the temerity to be built post-1990. So you know . . . most of California, minus the ghetto LA parts.

And congrats on sticking to the manuscript and finding a plot. I really gotta get on mine.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my gosh, I lub the pics. So bee-U-tiful. REally! And I lub this post. Well said. About why you're blogging less.

And was that you who sent me a pic of your daughter in front of the ho-made pies sign. hahahahaha

Congrats on your breakthrough! I'm so proud.

And will you go vote for me so I can be the next Good Mood blogger and earn some money for our blog across bahston.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Your verifier said opersons. There's a nifty new word for you. I can see you using that word wisely.

Now it says inest. Hmmm. Let us not go there.

NatureGirl said...

D...funniest post ever! And I have read a stinkin' lot of your posts! Funny, Funny (I mean...amusing, humorous, witty, comic, comical, droll, facetious, jocular, jokey; hilarious, hysterical, riotous, uproarious; entertaining, diverting, sparkling, scintillating; silly, farcical, slapstick). In case you needed some help...

Annette Lyon said...

I'm going on a strict word diet soon because I'm INSANE by deciding to do NaNo in November. We can eat M&Ms and drink Coke in bloggy silence together.

Kazzy said...

I understand your absence from blogdom, but I still hate it.

You and your sisters make me so jealous... I would love an annual tradition with my sis and mom (and sis-in-laws).

And last, what is with your new (even more) sexiness? Bangs? Happy smiley face? You look awesome!

wendy said...

What a blast!!
I and your mom look like twins.

myimaginaryblog said...

This is a completely true story: In college I had a very talkative roommate whose dad got tired of listening to her when she was a kid and told her that every person has a certain number of words in this life before we die, so she'd better not use hers up too soon. She only found out he'd lied after she shared the fact as a spiritual thought with her Laurel class.

Cheeseboy said...

Well, to be honest, I am a little bummed about this word diet, but if it's anything like eating salad all the time, I think it won't last long. Maybe this could be an Atkins word diet where you blog a bunch about one subject and nothing else?

The trip looks fun, but I am hoping that you learned your lesson about the dead ends?

Mikki said...

so I think uber stupid guy should just mind his own business. You know he only wrote that because he's totally aware of how awesome your blog is and he's jealous of you!
Besides, if blog writing isn't great practice then what is?

word verif: rempe--add that one to your word bank.

Mikki said...


Mikki said...


Mikki said...


Mikki said...

my favorite yet:

Mikki said...

sorry--just trying to give you some ammo:

Mikki said...

ok last one:

who ever said word verifications were worthless?

Mikki said...

ok, I lied.

I just had an amazing idea. I'll create a blog where everyone can contribute their word verifications just so that DeNae
will never run out of words.

ok, now I'm done.