Wednesday, October 6, 2010

If It's Good Enough for Tigger...

(Insert non-copyrighted, completely inoffensive, mental image of loopy pink ribbon here.)

I volunteer at a tutoring dealio every Tuesday night, because, well, I'm just a swell, swell gal.  I wear a name badge that says "Tutor" and everything, in case someone mistakes me for a scarecrow.  By the time Tuesday evening rolls around, I've already taught eight hours of piano lessons, which means what hair I haven't pulled out of my scalp is standing on end, and the little makeup I started the day with has gone feral.  And since I've been up since five, we'll stir in a healthy dollop of 'crazy and not in a good way'.  We're talking 'Batman' scarecrow, not 'Yellow Brick Road' scarecrow.

As you can imagine, I am, like, an uber popular tutor.

But that's not even the point.  I'm mostly telling you this in case you try to serve me with commitment papers or something.  If it's Tuesday night, I'm not at home.  I'm out terrorizing 80, sixth- through twelfth-graders. 

I know.  I give and I give.

Anyway, at our last session I was standing in the lobby near the sign-in table, when one of the other volunteers took a call on her cell.  I only heard one side of the conversation, which of course is how I prefer it.  Otherwise, I might have to report things accurately on my blog, and then where would we be?

Besides, her lines were awesome enough that I didn't really need to hear what the caller was saying.  At one point, she put her hand over the mouthpiece, looked up at me and asked, "Do you speak Spanish?", to which I replied, "Sí, es un traje de baño" on accounta that's how fluent I am. 

(I later discovered that this was not the appropriate response to her question, but that's not my fault.  Whenever I practiced dialoguing in Mrs. Cole's 7th Grade Spanish Class and Hormone Emporium, "Sí, es un traje de baño" always earned me extra Chiclets.  So blame public education, people.  My hands are clean.)

Thus wowed by my mad bilingual skillz, she said, "Have you heard of an ad campaign called 'Save the Tapas'?"

And I replied, "Um..."

And she said, "This lady is unhappy because the principal at her child's elementary school has made 'Save the Tapas' the school's Motto of the Month.  Is this really a big deal?"

And I replied, "Er..."

And then she went back to the conversation, speaking louder and louder into the phone. "Wait, what?  It's not 'tapas'?  What is it, then?  I'm sorry, what was that?  Save the what?  The what?  I've never heard of those things."

And I said, "Yo tengo dos, en mi traje de baño."

And then I moseyed into the gym, where all those impressionable kids were waiting to be tutored up, and I closed the doors behind me.  I didn't want them listening in when she finally figured out why her caller was so upset.

I mean, there's education, and then there's education.

26 comments:

Momza said...

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oh my gosh!

L.T. Elliot said...

"little makeup I started the day with has gone feral"

LOL. Seriously, DeNae, you have a radar for when I need a case of the guffaws.

Aunt LoLo said...

Save the TaTas?! Seriously? THAT WAS THE SCHOOL MOTTO for the month?!

Ok, THAT just makes my day. I mean, seeing it on a bumper sticker? Cute. Love it. Want one. Seeing it plastered all over an elementary school? Well...umm...little less cute. :-p

becky said...

I totally JUST got done writing a post on why I'm not sending my kids to public school. This little incident lets me know I'm right.
Seriously.
Oh, and I aspire to be as funny as you, DeNae. (But not in the post about home school.) You are pee-my-pants funny. Not that it takes much these days...

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I feel stupid. I speak Spanish and I didn't get it until I read the comments and thought about your well-placed graphic.

I wish I had thought of the idea of makeup gone feral, because that is HILARIOUS.

Love you, DeNae.

Jen said...

You are hilarious. Ahhhh,October. Nothing say fall like hearing people make boob jokes in front of small children . . . this happened to me: http://image-jen.blogspot.com/2007/10/hooters-air.html

Theresa Rodriguez said...

That's incredible. Thanks for starting my day off with some laughs. I'm going to start referring to them as "Tapas" from now on even though no one else will get it.(unless they have read your post or happen to be the lady on the phone, which would be even cooler) And I'll probably giggle every time I do. :)
PS Do I have to be a 6-12th grader to have you tutor me? I just have some questions about life in general. I prefer someone who wont think I just hopped off the crazy train and has a bit of your humor and whit to answer them, but I cant afford a shrink. Keep me posted. Until then I'll continue to enjoy your posts. thanks. :)

InkMom said...

Holy crap, DeNae. I am shaking my head for oh, so many reasons.

Kristina P. said...

Save the Tapas, huh? Wow, that school has really crossed the line!

I think they should go with the much more subtle message that I have been seeing the teenage boys I work with wearing, on t-shirts and plastic bracelets, of "I Love Boobies." It really just warms my heart, and my nipples, to see teenage boys who care about breast cancer so much.

Mikki said...

Seriously?

Lara said...

While it took me a second, it was your "yo tengo dos" that made me get it. Bahahahaha!

And I can't believe a school would have that for a motto. That is totally crazy. But also totally hilarious.

Becca said...

You are awesome. And I am pertee. At least that is what your word-veri is telling me.

That is an excellent story. Even for those of us who don't have much of anything in our trajes de bano. (And the "I (heart) boobies" merchandise? Banned at my kids' schools. Which makes them - my girls - want some. Where do they get that perversity? Um...)

Melanie Jacobson said...

I'm commenting fifteen minutes after reading this because it took me THAT long to get it. It's 9:03 a.m. and it's going to be a LONNNNNNG day.

Just SO said...

Hahaha!!! That is Fab. u. lous!!! I would have loved to have gone to a school where that was the school motto for the month!

Destiny said...

Save the Tapas. . .awesome. Thanks for the laugh.

Myrnie said...

Oh my gosh.....you've nailed it :) The crazy of the teaching days.....and seriously, we MUST save those delicious little appetizers...tapas are VERY important :)

Life with Kaishon said...

This is the funniest story ever : ) I am sure that you are a great tutor! Thank you for making a difference.

aunt dyanne said...

Learned the same thing in Cole's 7th grade spanish...only retained as much, but it gets me through a vacation.

Son wears a pink i <3 boobies bracelet (luckily donned it AFTER the mission, not during)

Local HS called all student homes yesterday to alert parents that some students have been wearing bracelets with inappropriate words on them.

Sure hope they don't abolish the girls(or boys, for that matter) for having them....i mean the real "not so good words" you know?

:o)

Jessica said...

Hysterical story!! Love it.

I saw one: Saving Second Base.

Thought it was funny right up until the point that my boys wanted me to explain it to them.

Charlotte said...

A swimsuit can save your TaTas ... from sunburn.

JoeinVegas said...

Why, yes, Yo tengo dos, en mi traje de baño.

JBSquared said...

That story makes me happy on so many levels.

Kimberly said...

A who with the what now?

Aren't "tapas" fancy sandwiches or something?

AS Amber said...

A ha ha!! That's awesome! I didn't get it til I read the comments. I'm a little slow....

Cheeseboy said...

Sign me up! I still don't know what tapas are, but they sound awesome.

Okay, I feel really guilty now. I haven't commented in forever. But it's not my fault DeNae, your blog is not updating on my blog roll. It says your last update was 3 weeks ago?!

Uptown Girl said...

I just got that it was tatas not tapas. It's a Monday, so I can't be blamed.
This confirms that if I ever have kids they will most def go to public school. Just to keep my days interesting :)

ps- you really are quite an angel to volunteer