(Insert non-copyrighted, completely inoffensive, mental image of loopy pink ribbon here.)
I volunteer at a tutoring dealio every Tuesday night, because, well, I'm just a swell, swell gal. I wear a name badge that says "Tutor" and everything, in case someone mistakes me for a scarecrow. By the time Tuesday evening rolls around, I've already taught eight hours of piano lessons, which means what hair I haven't pulled out of my scalp is standing on end, and the little makeup I started the day with has gone feral. And since I've been up since five, we'll stir in a healthy dollop of 'crazy and not in a good way'. We're talking 'Batman' scarecrow, not 'Yellow Brick Road' scarecrow.
As you can imagine, I am, like, an uber popular tutor.
But that's not even the point. I'm mostly telling you this in case you try to serve me with commitment papers or something. If it's Tuesday night, I'm not at home. I'm out terrorizing 80, sixth- through twelfth-graders.
I know. I give and I give.
Anyway, at our last session I was standing in the lobby near the sign-in table, when one of the other volunteers took a call on her cell. I only heard one side of the conversation, which of course is how I prefer it. Otherwise, I might have to report things accurately on my blog, and then where would we be?
Besides, her lines were awesome enough that I didn't really need to hear what the caller was saying. At one point, she put her hand over the mouthpiece, looked up at me and asked, "Do you speak Spanish?", to which I replied, "Sí, es un traje de baño" on accounta that's how fluent I am.
(I later discovered that this was not the appropriate response to her question, but that's not my fault. Whenever I practiced dialoguing in Mrs. Cole's 7th Grade Spanish Class and Hormone Emporium, "Sí, es un traje de baño" always earned me extra Chiclets. So blame public education, people. My hands are clean.)
Thus wowed by my mad bilingual skillz, she said, "Have you heard of an ad campaign called 'Save the Tapas'?"
And I replied, "Um..."
And she said, "This lady is unhappy because the principal at her child's elementary school has made 'Save the Tapas' the school's Motto of the Month. Is this really a big deal?"
And I replied, "Er..."
And then she went back to the conversation, speaking louder and louder into the phone. "Wait, what? It's not 'tapas'? What is it, then? I'm sorry, what was that? Save the what? The what? I've never heard of those things."
And I said, "Yo tengo dos, en mi traje de baño."
And then I moseyed into the gym, where all those impressionable kids were waiting to be tutored up, and I closed the doors behind me. I didn't want them listening in when she finally figured out why her caller was so upset.
I mean, there's education, and then there's education.