Goodness, how the time does fly! I've been busy with my usual activities - writing, teaching, offending people just by being little old insensitive, unfiltered, who-the-heck-do-I-think-I-am me. Honestly, I despair that I will never learn the art of simply keeping my trap shut. Until I do, I probably ought to start a file of boilerplate apology notes:
Dear [insert name, title, rank, or family relationship here]
I am so sorry that I [said, did, thought, interpretive danced] what I [said, did, thought, interpretive danced].
I was clearly [insane, hormonal, tired, possessed by Michael Ballam, coming off a bad acid trip] and as such was not in full possession of [the facts, my faculties, enough cash to silence me]
However, that was no reason to [pull my hair, call the police, steal my dog, lob a grenade at my yard gnome], but I am willing to [overlook the incident, drop the lawsuit, call off the contract hit, put down my flamethrower] if you will [do the same, stop writing limericks that end in "and then pit bulls ate DeNae's face", pull your stretchy pants over your head while singing "Mandy"]
[Sincerely, affectionately, yours truly, I know you are but what am I]
And while we're on the subject of trying desperately not to offend anyone, I thought some of you would like to know that, so far in my novel, the hero has cut off a man's head, absconded with his personal affects, robbed his treasury, and kidnapped his servant. But, to the relief of all, no one has, as yet, said any swear words.
I know, I know. Here come the comments. How about you go ahead and choose your favorite apology note from the above list right now, and I'll get those out this afternoon.