So, speaking of my novel, I had lunch today with my dearest darlingest mentor from college, Dr. Ed Thompson. And we talked a little bit about my book.
That's all. Just segueing.
Ed comes to Vegas every fall for a Photoshop conference, and he is always great to meet me for dinner or lunch or a quick smoke - whatever we have time for.
ATTENTION ALL READERS WHO CAN'T TELL WHEN I'M KIDDING AND YET, INEXPLICABLY, READ MY BLOG ANYWAY ---
Neither Ed nor I smoke. I made that part up. Ed gave it up after the time he was conducting the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on TV and the Marlboro dropped out of his mouth and burned the organ to the ground. Boy, was his face red.
I don't smoke cuz it's against my religion.
So, back to our lunch. I spent most of the morning scanning my manuscript for naughty words, and I wanted you all to be the first to know, it's as clean and worthy of discussion in your Young Women's classes, Relief Society meetings, and visiting teaching lessons as novels featuring 100-year old men masquerading as teenagers and stalking confused and clinically depressed girls.
I'm feeling pretty darn good about that.
ATTENTION RABID SPARKLY VAMPIRE FANS WHO ARE FED UP WITH ALL THE BASHING OF YOUR PERFECTLY HARMLESS FANTASY LIFE THAT INVOLVES YOU, A 40-YEAR OLD WOMAN, BEING SWEPT OFF YOUR FEET BY A 17-YEAR OLD BOY --
I'm sorry. I meant no offense. Also, please stay away from my son.
And speaking of Photoshop, there is this groovy bloggers conference coming up in November. It's a one-day affair, held in St. George, UT. I think if you live in Utah, or Arizona, or Nevada, or California, or Guatemala, you should come to this conference. For one thing, I'm going to be speaking. For another thing, I have it on good authority Kristina will be topless under her Snuggie. For another thing, there are a whole buncha you who I am just itching to meet and greet and eat (with) and I'm thinking this would be an awesome way to make that happen. (I'm looking at you, RW of Gilbert, Arizona) And for another thing, I had this awesome salad at lunch today.
ATTENTION READERS WHO ARE NOW AFRAID TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS KRISTINA IN CASE I WAS SERIOUS ABOUT HER GIRLS FREE-LANCING AT THE CONFERENCE --
They're very well behaved. It's been months since they bit anyone.
And speaking of my salad, I got the funniest e-mail from Helen Peterson - one of my first followers who has also become one of my dearest friends from blogland, and who is moving from Australia to Mesa this month, which I'm pretty sure means she's coming to the St. George conference - and she told me that if I said 'damn' or 'hell' in church in Australia no one would bat an eye. She even said that when she was Primary Prez, she's pretty sure she once told the kids to 'shut the hell up', on accounta in Australia that actually means, 'everyone gets a free koala on their birthday'.
ATTENTION ALL THOSE WHO ONCE AGAIN MISSED THE PART WHERE I AM A HUMOR WRITER AND AS SUCH AM PRONE TO OCCASIONAL BOUTS OF EXAGGERATION OR, WHEN IT COMES RIGHT DOWN TO IT, OUT-AND-OUT LYING --
'Shut the hell up' doesn't really mean 'everyone gets a free koala on their birthday' in Australianese. It means 'Sister Peterson sure could use a smoke about now'.
And speaking of koalas, Ed and I ate lunch at the Rainforest Cafe. He had a hamburger, and we laughed and talked so much he missed his afternoon classes and had to sit in the Etch-a-Sketch section for Photoshop Phlunkees.
It was a very good day.
AND THIS TIME, I'M NOT KIDDING.
So glad we could clear that up.