See what I mean? You can just feel the resentment blistering off these people. And then of course we only had three gigantic trailers to watch videos and shower and be all air conditioned in, and three awesome boats with every tube, ski, and fillintheblank board to play with. I was so embarrassed by my siblings' toys I spent much of the time hiding in my tent with my Dora the Explorer sleeping bag over my head.
Again, do you see what I had to put up with? That's my brother Shane at the top of the picture, and his five sons, and our nephew, and our mother, all on Shane's lame old ski boat that only did Warp 6 and at one point had the boys flying so high on their tubes seagulls built nests in their hair. And the trailers are framed in the background.
And this is my sister Jill, and her husband Kevin, on their wussy little canoe. What? We're supposed to be impressed that this boat had a fancier potty than our first apartment? That it was so dang big whales were cavorting in the wake and it had to be docked in a space marked "Aircraft Carriers Only"? Pfft. Have I mentioned that I have a five foot deep swimming pool AND a volleyball net? All right then. Better luck next time, Jill.
And don't even get me started on her trailer. It's that monster in the center of the pic with Shane's crew. We could have a rig like that if we wanted. Queen beds, full kitchen, more storage than King Tut's tomb. In fact, if the economy doesn't improve, we may well soon be living in such a place. Provided, of course, that someone has abandoned one on the side of the road.
Which, incidentally, is precisely where my nephews Brayden and Tanner found this couch. I'm not even kidding. They loaded it onto the roof of their car and then, because they're brilliant, decided the best way to guarantee that it would get home safely was to have Brayden sit in the couch on top of the car while Tanner drove. That's right. Brayden, who weighs less than my right arm, was the ballast.
I was terribly disappointed with our mother on this trip. Clearly, she has not read the brochure on "Behavior Appropriate For a Widder Woman", and she engaged in one questionable activity after another, beginning with riding the tubes with my kids behind Shane's boat...
...and ending with her attempting to cook spaghetti over an open fire.
OK, I'm lying about the spaghetti. Although let this be a lesson to my sister: If my husband asks, "Where do you suggest we dump these leftovers?" and you answer "The fire pit," you don't get to complain when he takes you very, very literally.
We ran into weather trouble, first with the wind blowing so hard a house landed on the witch in the next camp site, and then with it clouding up on Sunday morning, most likely because the Lord heard some of our family making plans to go out on the lake instead of sitting in the trailers repenting.
See how sad Cori is? She wants to be on one of those boats.
Kim's is on the left, and Shane's is on the right.
Noah's is down the beach, hinting at what choice we should make.
Fortunately, in what I believed to be a stroke of pure genius, I suggested we all contract 24-hour Judaism, thereby pushing the Sabbath ahead six days. Sure enough, the sun came out, and we were on board and off the hook! I'm telling you, of all the loopholes available in life, religious ones are my favorites.
JK, Bishop! Totally JayKay!
And this is me doing a handstand on a wake board: