Well, my life is just one newsflash after another. Honestly, some days I feel like an older, femalier Wolf Blitzer, who of course is just one of the many unfortunately named souls whose parents hoped he'd some day grow up to pull Santa's sleigh.
With so much to tell you about, it's hard to know where to start! So let's start with CBC, since my short-term memory doesn't go back any further than that.
I meant to write about this as soon as I got back to Vegas, but of course the First Lady was in town and she was all, "DeNaeeee, we never see each other any more!" and I was all, "Sheesh, Michelle, you really need to make some friends a little closer to home."
And before I knew it, I was so tardy even Kristina had blogged about the conference. So now I'm declaring myself the first to blog about next year's shindig, which I have it on good authority will be / was a totally awesome event.
Now, you should know that I'm a tad biased toward CBC, mostly because I'm pretty sure it was all my idea. Of course, Annie will tell you that she and Motherboard discussed it over a year ago. And Motherboard will tell you she and Sue talked about it in the early days of MMB. But none of it really gained momentum until I came along and said, "Why yes, I'll teach a class at your conference. Is the subject 'Why It's Cool to be DeNae' taken already?"
Ha! I kid. I taught a class on storytelling. In this picture, I'm telling the story of how I give myself an affirmation hug every morning.
And this is me telling my class how big the brownie pan needs to be when you're laying in snacks and supplies for the big writing journey ahead.
This one is me demonstrating how to chug your life-sustaining DC between rounds of creative spewing. Gotta keep your fluid levels up, people.
And this is me hollering at everyone to wake up, fer cryin' out loud! This is good stuff you're sleeping through!
I haven't said much about the Friday business classes, but that's because my ADD sorta kicked into overdrive and I was a little distracted by my boobs vibrating and Kazzy shooting herself in the head with her iPhone. Yes, I keep my cell phone in my unmentionable regions, Kristina, but only when I don't have any pockets available. Besides, putting that phone in there helps narrow the gap in ways Victoria could only imagine. Not all of us are born with cleavage you could bivouac platoons in. There was no reason to start calling my lingerie the "Mary Poppins Bra".
This is Kazzy, with her fancy ring that Crash was totally coveting.
And there was indeed one point where Kazzy, who had been sitting quietly next to me posting naughty Twitter messages which would show up on the gino-screens at the front of the room, suddenly whispered/bellowed, "Oh, shoot me now!" (It should be noted that by this time we had been sitting in the same chairs since the Bronze age.) And then she pulled up an app on her phone which gave her a choice of weapons, selected a nice little handgun, held the phone up to her temple, tapped the screen, and POW! shot herself in the head.
It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. They're always the folks who end up going on those terrible iPhone rampages. We entertained ourselves by shooting each other with a machine gun and later launching a couple of grenades at Kristina. She had it coming. Mary Poppins bra, remember?
I do remember a couple of the things they said at that session, like, "Hi! My name is..." and "Let's give our presenters one more round of applause!" and "Does anyone hear machine gun fire?" I have the names and web sites for all of those good people; one day I'll medicate properly and drop in on their talented selves to learn all the other things they had to say.
I got to hang out with my oh-so-serious sister, Amber...
VJ, SS, and I collaborated on a song for a writing buddy of ours whose book is out and on the promotional circuit.
Crash is just too cute to leave out of the picture, and besides, it was her camera.
Annette Lyon, who snuck (sneaked? snacked? slipped?) away from the music with me on Friday night to gab in the lobby, only to be joined by droves of fun-seekers! I appreciate the fact that Annette didn't stop in the middle of her fabulous class to wrap her hands around my throat and throttle the living daylights out of me for sitting on the front row and blowing bubbles. I sorta forgot I'd had a Charms BloPop (watermelon flavored, no less) before class and was completely oblivious to how much I was enjoying the, you know, blowing part of it all.
I don't know what everyone else got in their bags, but I was uber surprised to find Motherboard's wallet in mine!
That Motherboard is such a good friend. She always knows just what to give me.
There was also food. I ordered a vegetarian sandwich for lunch, but I guess they were out of vegetables so they just tossed some lawn trimmings and leaves on a bun and told us herbivors to go away and stop whining. But I showed those haters from Jason's deli. I gave half my sandwich to Crash, and we ate it all up. I hope the deli people learned their lesson from that.
Of course, this was my favorite meal:
Honestly, I think they've covered every food group here. Twice.
One highlight of the event was when Annie gave birth during a Query Letter workshop. This is her, showing us how to catch the baby. She was a very thorough teacher. All about the object lessons.
As you can imagine, pretty much anything that came up after that was just gravy. The miracle of Query Letter workshops trumps everything else, it really does.
So, yeah, that was CBC for yours truly! Took some great classes, met some wonderful people, caught a baby or two - the trifecta of memorable conferences!
I can't wait til next year, especially since I've already written the review for it.