Monday, June 7, 2010

This Just In!

Well, my life is just one newsflash after another.  Honestly, some days I feel like an older, femalier Wolf Blitzer, who of course is just one of the many unfortunately named souls whose parents hoped he'd some day grow up to pull Santa's sleigh.

With so much to tell you about, it's hard to know where to start!  So let's start with CBC, since my short-term memory doesn't go back any further than that.

I meant to write about this as soon as I got back to Vegas, but of course the First Lady was in town and she was all, "DeNaeeee, we never see each other any more!" and I was all, "Sheesh, Michelle, you really need to make some friends a little closer to home."  

And before I knew it, I was so tardy even Kristina had blogged about the conference.  So now I'm declaring myself the first to blog about next year's shindig, which I have it on good authority will be / was a totally awesome event.

Now, you should know that I'm a tad biased toward CBC, mostly because I'm pretty sure it was all my idea.  Of course, Annie will tell you that she and Motherboard discussed it over a year ago.  And Motherboard will tell you she and Sue talked about it in the early days of MMB.  But none of it really gained momentum until I came along and said, "Why yes, I'll teach a class at your conference.  Is the subject 'Why It's Cool to be DeNae' taken already?"

Ha!  I kid.  I taught a class on storytelling.  In this picture, I'm telling the story of how I give myself an affirmation hug every morning.

And this is me telling my class how big the brownie pan needs to be when you're laying in snacks and supplies for the big writing journey ahead.

This one is me demonstrating how to chug your life-sustaining DC between rounds of creative spewing.  Gotta keep your fluid levels up, people.


And this is me hollering at everyone to wake up, fer cryin' out loud!  This is good stuff you're sleeping through!

I haven't said much about the Friday business classes, but that's because my ADD sorta kicked into overdrive and I was a little distracted by my boobs vibrating and Kazzy shooting herself in the head with her iPhone.  Yes, I keep my cell phone in my unmentionable regions, Kristina, but only when I don't have any pockets available.  Besides, putting that phone in there helps narrow the gap in ways Victoria could only imagine.  Not all of us are born with cleavage you could bivouac platoons in.  There was no reason to start calling my lingerie the "Mary Poppins Bra".

This is Kazzy, with her fancy ring that Crash was totally coveting.

And there was indeed one point where Kazzy, who had been sitting quietly next to me posting naughty Twitter messages which would show up on the gino-screens at the front of the room, suddenly whispered/bellowed, "Oh, shoot me now!"  (It should be noted that by this time we had been sitting in the same chairs since the Bronze age.)  And then she pulled up an app on her phone which gave her a choice of weapons, selected a nice little handgun, held the phone up to her temple, tapped the screen, and POW! shot herself in the head.

It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for.  They're always the folks who end up going on those terrible iPhone rampages.  We entertained ourselves by shooting each other with a machine gun and later launching a couple of grenades at Kristina.  She had it coming.  Mary Poppins bra, remember? 

I do remember a couple of the things they said at that session, like, "Hi! My name is..." and "Let's give our presenters one more round of applause!" and "Does anyone hear machine gun fire?"  I have the names and web sites for all of those good people; one day I'll medicate properly and drop in on their talented selves to learn all the other things they had to say.

I got to hang out with my oh-so-serious sister, Amber...

... and these beautiful sisters ...

Mommy J and InkMom, the belles of the ball

... and these women, many of whom I hadn't even realized were my sisters until we got together at the conference ...

Me with Annie Valentine, Tauna Egan, and my dear friend Crash, from whom I pilfered a number of these pictures.
By the way, 'Crash' isn't Crash's real name.  Her real name is Inigo Montoya.

Veronica Johnson, Me, Crash, and Sherrie Shepherd
VJ, SS, and I collaborated on a song for a writing buddy of ours whose book is out and on the promotional circuit. 
Crash is just too cute to leave out of the picture, and besides, it was her camera.

Annette Lyon, who snuck (sneaked? snacked? slipped?) away from the music with me on Friday night to gab in the lobby, only to be joined by droves of fun-seekers!  I appreciate the fact that Annette didn't stop in the middle of her fabulous class to wrap her hands around my throat and throttle the living daylights out of me for sitting on the front row and blowing bubbles.  I sorta forgot I'd had a Charms BloPop (watermelon flavored, no less) before class and was completely oblivious to how much I was enjoying the, you know, blowing part of it all.

MomBabe and Motherboard, in a sea of swag bags. 
I don't know what everyone else got in their bags, but I was uber surprised to find Motherboard's wallet in mine! 
That Motherboard is such a good friend.  She always knows just what to give me.

There was also food.  I ordered a vegetarian sandwich for lunch, but I guess they were out of vegetables so they just tossed some lawn trimmings and leaves on a bun and told us herbivors to go away and stop whining.  But I showed those haters from Jason's deli.  I gave half my sandwich to Crash, and we ate it all up.  I hope the deli people learned their lesson from that.

Of course, this was my favorite meal:

Honestly, I think they've covered every food group here.  Twice.

One highlight of the event was when Annie gave birth during a Query Letter workshop.  This is her, showing us how to catch the baby.  She was a very thorough teacher.  All about the object lessons. 

As you can imagine, pretty much anything that came up after that was just gravy.  The miracle of Query Letter workshops trumps everything else, it really does.

So, yeah, that was CBC for yours truly!  Took some great classes, met some wonderful people, caught a baby or two - the trifecta of memorable conferences! 

I can't wait til next year, especially since I've already written the review for it.

Coming soon, my report on why it's important to wear adult diapers to a CT scan.  Don't miss it!


Kazzy said...

Oh, you. I am not as quiet as you might think, I just play a quiet person on my blog.

If we both get the new iPhone 4s we can watch videos of each other acting up!

Luv ya tons, friend.

Brooke said...

Just be glad that she only had the gun app on her phone. My boys like to pull out their Farting app (which includes such gems as "Princess Polite" and "Atomic Fart") at the most unfortunate moments. I'm sure you could put it to good use at next year's CBC. :-)

Kristina P. said...

Kazzy looks hot in that picture!! And long as I get to clamp off Annie's umbilical cord, I am good.

I am going to ask Amber to reenact that face tomorrow, when we are munching on scones, and Harley is planning a way to kill me/ruin my dress.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OKay so I totally took some of those pictures AND i was there during the Girdle story!!!

I'm sorry I chipped at your soul by taking your picture.

Loved meeting you!

gigi said...

Sorry I missed it but I am totally caought up on it now that I have read this post! Thank you. I'll be sure to book my flight soon as yall set the date :)

Lara said...

I'm thinking you need your very own press secretary.

I'm so sorry I missed your class, and everything else. But thank goodness Crash (er, Inigo Montoya) took pictures, since it seems nobody else actually did! ;)

Charlotte said...

Your class was thoroughly enjoyable (especially the part about not adding side notes in paragraphs).

DeNae said...

Shelle! I'm sorry I forgot to give you credit for your pictures. I wrote this post on my baby laptop and it was being so persnickety the excessive swearing on the part of me, the author, distracted me from giving proper credit. You're a terrific photographer and had the cutest dimples at the conference.

Garden of Egan said...

I'm so excited to know that you are totally and completely in charge of next year's CBC. I'm sure Motherboard and the crew will be so relieved to know that!

It was truly awesome to meet you in real life. I sorta thought you were a figment of people's imagination. But then you started leading the choir in your class and were real and everything. Right down to the vibrating boobs.
You taught me many life lessons.
#1 Boobs truly do vibrate.
#2 DC is the only true and living drink.
#3 Ellipses are as bad as the movie.......just sayin'

Again, I will be there next year. You might want to start a running tally of all who will attend, since you are completely and totally alone and in charge.

I am also waiting with bated breath for the next installment of DeNae's Diaper wearing CT experience.

One Cluttered Brain said...

ahh yes.
i am so glad i got to attend your class. And i am also glad i got to eat lunch with you plus eat lunch with crash. She is a total babe and crack up!!!

I'll see YOU next year, Writer's conference AND CBC. K? :)

Krista said...

CBC was great! I'm sorry I didn't attend your class, I was at another, but I enjoyed your remarks in Annie's class. I'm really looking forward to next year's CBC and already have a van load of people who want to come!

Heather of the EO said...

This was so freaking funny.

I heart you, lady.

Thank you for creating CBC ;)

tammy said...

Your class is probably the only one I would've wanted to go to. Maybe I can bribe you to come to AZ and teach a RS class instead.

Kimberly said...

So YOU'RE to blame for my rampant envy streak. Watch out, chicka, I might just buy you chocolate and then eat it myself to punish you (err...and me...dang, that doesn't work).

InkMom said...

I am so proud of you for posting pictures right now that I can scarcely speak.

LKP said...

beaver-dam-it! MY name is Inigo Montoya!!! =)
lol. what a great report. glad you were able to let us all know what was REALLY going down at the CBC. you never fail to entertain.
oh, and it's all YOUR fault michelle won't stop calling me begging for a new luncheon buddy?! great. way to go. i didn't vote for her hubby. can't she take a hint? ;)

thanks for today's smile.
can't wait for the next one.

aunt dyanne said...

Wish i could have been a blogger extraordinaire and in attendance at the CBC - sounds like it was fabulous!

I too look forward to your CT has always been of my opinion that post CT scan should include a cold shower....or at least let your "pool boy" in the room with you, and then the techs excuse themselves. haha

M-Cat said...

One of the most thorough reviews I have read! Well done.

wendy said...

Ok -- so next year I am totally coming to this event
I don't care if I have to Hijack a plane
or "name drop" michelle obama as your friend

cause I think I really missed out on a great "sisterhood"
and I'm all about the hood

wendy said...

and besides, I'll have a whole year to loose the weight
and have the face lift scars fade

Out Of My Head said...

You have become my favorite read and it did not take long. I am so glad I found you especially during the basketball playoffs. Mate never leaves the chair and since I am from Texas do you really think I care whether Miami or Cleveland wins the blasted thing. Just kidding I well know it is L.A. Lakers and Boston playing. Just kidding. I do know that cause i look for Jack sitting on the sidelines. Have a good evening

annie valentine said...

I could kill you right now. And to think I felt thin that day...

DeNae said...

Whoa, hey now, let's not do anything rash, Annie Banannie. You looked better than thin; you looked adorably pregnant. And killing me will only mean your child will be born in prison. Which means it'll probably have a tattoo and everything.

You gotta think throug these things, Friendy McFriendster.

Amber Lynae said...

I can't believe I wasn't there. Well I can believe it but it makes me so sad.

Your class looks like it was the best at the conference.

AS Amber said...

I have my own reasons for needing to wear adult diapers to a CT scan but I'll wait to hear your story first.

This was such a fun post! I'm with InkMom, I just can't be more proud of you for all these pictures! Even if you did jack most of them from Crash. And Shelle.

And can I just say how popular you are??? Pretty sure there's like ONE picture of me. And it's that darling one you & Crash posted! Reminds me of all the baby pictures of you & all ONE of the baby pictures of me. Sigh.

Haha! I kid, of course. I LOVED watching you be surrounded by all of your adoring fans. Loved. It.

This conference was one of the funnest times I've had in a long time!

Love you! (PS, why are you having a CT scan, anyway????)

Melanie J said...

Didya miss me? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Nerdycomputergirl said...

Hi Denae,
found your blog on a link from Momma's Pixie Dreams and like what I've seen so far. Would love you to check out my blog if you have some time


Boy Mom said...

So fun to meet all the CBC attendees via blog. The recaps have been as much fun as it sounds like the real thing was, and you'll all think I lost 20lbs and had my laundry done before I came.

Just sorry I missed so many great blogger's classes.

Terresa said...

Fab recap of CBC, the one blogging conference I'd actually attend if it didn't coincide with 101 other Very Important Family Functions. (sigh)

You rock, from the Mojave Desert to the Great Salt Lake & beyond, cel phone buzzing cleavage and all. :)

Eowyn said...

I'm so going next year!

And I've got tears in my eyes from laughing.

Annette Lyon said...

I have nothing profound to say. I just laughed reading, as always. You're such a delight--and I'm SO glad you stole me out of the concert to talk!

(What WAS up with those veggie sandwiches? I like spinach a sprouts, but sheesh!)

T said...

I've been afraid to come by earlier because of my horrific tendency to overuse ellipses (I really want to put some RIGHT here)

However - (are dashes just as bad?) I just couldn't resist when you linked up your post!

I'd thank you for sharing your veggie sandwich (that's me eating the part that Crash couldn't manage) but really, all that fiber just about did me in. Or maybe it was the fiber one bar I'd eaten just prior?