Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I Know. You're Jealous.

Hey, gang!  I'm in Orlando, giving my karma a good workout.  Came with my husband for a conference (which is why he took such a keen interest in my personal grooming last week), and my husband in turn came for the express purpose of barfing up everything he's ever thought about eating.  Forty-seven years' worth of meals and snacks - hurled.  Yeah, he's loving it.  I'm telling you, it's getting to where you can't even trust a hamburger purchased at an airport McDonald's any more.  Who would have imagined such a meal would lead to food poisoning?  The terrorists really have won.  At least the terrorists working at the Denver airport food court have won.  Jerk food court terrorists.

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying the famous Florida sunshine from the safety of my hotel room on accounta it hasn't stopped raining since we arrived.  OK, not technically true.  I did get in a good hour of tanning and watching two little geckos fight to the death over whose insurance company gave the best rates before the black clouds rolled back in and a few stabs of lightning discouraged any further poolside recreation.

And yes, I know it was snowing yesterday in Utah and points further north.  But it was free snow, not snow you flew a gazillion miles and paid a gazillion dollars to have fall on your heads.  So, yes, sucks to be you, but I'm pretty sure I'm still suffering more.

However, this does give me a chance to prep for my class at CBC this weekend, which is a good thing, since my original plan of showing home movies from my awesome Orlando trip is turning into a bust.  ("And here we have a shot of the empty pool area.  That blackened spot is where the lightning took out the smoothie kiosk.")  So all of you who signed up for my class have had a narrow escape.

Meanwhile, take a break from shoveling the driveways and meet me over here.  I sorta forgot I was being featured yesterday, what with all the flying and the barfing and the general not-lounging-in-a-deck-chair-slurping-pina-coladas.  That can be a full-time job if you do it right.

And I'll catch a whole buncha y'all at CBC!  Unless, of course, I drop by McDonald's on my way out of Florida. 

32 comments:

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

Hilarious - I just discovered your blog, and I love the way you write!

veronica said...

Yet another reason to avoid McDonalds.
Here's hoping the sunshine makes an appearance before your return flight. See you at the CBC!

M-Cat said...

McD's needs a spanking. Or whoever, used their feces infested hands to cook your hubby's hamburger!

Kristina P. said...

I am excited to see you! Will you hold my barf bucket if I throw up in my class?

Braden said...

I know I promised not to write any more self-pitying comments since I'm not going to CBC just like I ddidn't got to Storymakers, but the thought of you and Kristina P together is making that vow substantially more difficult to keep.

Jillybean said...

I hate fast food terrorists!

I didn't register for my CBC classes soon enought, and I didn't get in your class :0(
Do you think you could sneak me in? Do you think anyone would notice if I hid under Kristina's Snuggie?

Lisa said...

You're funny. Just wanted you to know, cuz nobody has ever told you that before. Duh. :) I'm your newest follower. Look forward to meeting you at the CBC.

Mallory said...

I got food poisoning once from eating at an authentic Caribbean/Jamaican restaurant in the Bronx, NY. I was later told by my father that if you don't want to get food poisoning, don't eat at an -authentic- third world country restaurant. Good to know. But, who would have expected it from McD's!?

PS-You should have come to Cincinnati, rather than Orlando! It's nearly 90 degrees and perfectly sunny today! The only problem is that we don't have a beach on the beautiful ocean...and you'd probably have to make your own pina colada...and none of our pools are open yet.

Uptown Girl said...

sounds like a blast and another reason not to eat McDonald's... yikes.

I hope you get one sunshine day sans barf. at least one :(

Kimberly said...

Good luck with your class - it'll be a smash hit, I just know it!

Garden of Egan said...

Well it's nice to know that you can go to Florida where the barf is the only true and living barf.
Sorry about Denver being so rude to the hubs.

I'm looking forward to the CBC and I have some chocolates I have dipped just for you....and a few others.

Wow, I'm so glad I don't have to sit through your class of vacay slides. I see way too much barf as it is.

So be careful coming home and try to have a good time.

Oh, and about the free snow and we should be grateful for it and all that crap..................whatev!

Garden of Egan said...

I just read M-Cat's comments...

I promise I washed my hands before I dipped the chocolates OK?
They are NOT feces infested. GAG M!

Lisa Marie Miles said...

Yikes! I hope your husband feels better and it stops raining before you have to leave!

Wendy Ramer said...

You shoulda come to South Florida instead. Little slice of heaven here these days. Sorry Orlando rained you out :-(

AS Amber said...

Big jerk, Orlando and bigger jerk McDonald's! That freakin' SUCKS he was so sick!

Can't wait to see you this weekend! Looks like I'm gonna have to pull out my "I'm DeNae's sister" card in order to get some face time with you!

XOXO

That Girl said...

You'll have to email me a copy of your home videos. Or your class notes, either one.

aunt dyanne said...

Drive west.... just instantly received (the magic of facebook)photos of the beaches of St. Petersburg. My friend and her camera just enjoyed a bikeride and photo-shoot... looks gorgeous to me! And, consider yourself lucky to be just outside of the Tampa mission line...oh and the fact my son came home 2 months ago - I SOOOO would have sicked him on you.

alexis said...

yeah, i wouldn't be so happy about the expensive rain either. have a safe trip back and i'll be seeing you at cbc! (you don't know me, but whatever. this is what you open yourself up to when you blog: hot, abnormally tall women leaving you comments about seeing you at blog conferences.)

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I was wondering if you could live stream your class?

I'm serious.

As lame as it sounds, I think I would love a vacation where I could just lock myself in a hotel room and read and sleep all day. Well at least for a couple days. Hope the rest of your trip gets better.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

oh, and are you back at MMB?

DeNae said...

Welcome, Megan.

And Veronica et al, yes, the sun did come out! Woot woot!

Melissa, you may make a health food junkie out of me yet.

KP, I'm sorry, but I don't even hold the barf bucket for my kids. And when it's my husband, well, he knows that unless he pukes himself unconscious, he's pretty much on his own.

Braden: Kristina, Crash, Motherboard, Annie, and about a zillion other awesome bloggers are going to be at CBC. There's still time to stow away on a steamship out of Tennessee, headed for Salt Lake. We'll smuggle you into the conference in a laundry cart. C'mon, it'll be an adventure!

And yes, Steph, I'm back with MMB. School is finally over for my semi-high maintenance son, and after CBC I'll have more time to work for team MMB. So yay!

Amber Lynae said...

Sorry about the raining barf... I mean the raining and the barfing.

I hope Florida gets some sunshine to make up for you sick start.

Cheeseboy said...

Jealous? No, I spent yesterday AM recess in 38 degree weather while it sleeted on my head. That has never happened to me on May 24th before.

Ok, I am jealous... but really I am just jealous about the McDonald's airport hamburger.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

*sigh* Good ole' Florida, how I miss you so. I grew up just outside of Orlando. I miss the sunshine.

Hope your hubby feels better!

And I'm totally going to your class at the CBC! Got my seat reserved and everything!

KellyLady said...

I'm new here but am enjoying my snooping!
And we don't eat McDonalds hamburgers...my hubby is always sick after. The kids insist on nuggets and I'd rather make my own food or go hungry. Hope your hubby feels better and that you get some sun!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

It sucks to be you too, doesn't it!

How fun! And what a great idea for terrorists. Never thought of that, but it's brilliant.

I can't wait to see you tomorrow!

wendy said...

I don't need sun to suck back on a pina colada.
or a lounge chair.
guess I can sit on my deck and watch all the free snow and hang on to my straw so the wind doesn't blow it away

I have never been a fan of McDonalds.
hope the trip still ends up to be a fun one for ya
and ROCK it at the conference ..I know you will

wendy said...

Oh, and p.s. happy anniversary
very cute photo

Smith Family said...

The scripture link cracked me up! Once again, thanks for the laugh. :)

Ashley @ Little Miss Momma said...

You had me laughing out loud throughout this post! It was such a pleasure meeting you at CBC and I especially enjoyed taking your class--thank you for all your hard work!

ashley
http://littlemissmomma.blogspot.com

Out Of My Head said...

I just discovered you through cheese blog who i think is priceless. I loved the fat that there is someone else that does not know how to upload pictures. I still use the plain page black with while type that you get when you ask for help as to how to do a blog. I will be back.

Out Of My Head said...

Oh dear maybe when I come back i will have learned to preview and to write "fact" instead of "fat"