What is it about the end of the year that leads to so much reflection? I'm pretty sure I've made it clear that I am no fan of introspection; it just leads to thoughts of self-improvement, and frankly I don't have time for that kind of nonsense.
I've already written my New Year's Resolution post, and if I do say so myself, it's a work of art. There isn't one thing in it that will demand any effort more novel than turning my chair to the light twice a day and arranging for someone to water me occasionally.
Nevertheless, through no fault of my own I seem to have contracted a case of the randoms, and I've got to get them out of my head if I'm ever going to have enough room in there for the excuses as to why I forgot to go to the gym this decade.
So I'm sorry gang, it was either you or my Sunday School class, and I think we can all agree they've suffered enough.
Random Reflection #1:
The music has started again. My particular brand of insanity has never been of the 'voices talking in my head' ilk. Undoubtedly, there are at least three people living happy, productive lives between my ears, but they're harmless enough, and their presence guarantees there will always be someone who understands what I'm saying in the dentist's chair.
No, my little dose o' crazy sings to me, accompanied by flutes and oboes, or, when I've eaten Cafe Rio enchiladas too late at night, an entire symphonic orchestra.
When last March I walked away from the world of homicidally psychopathic performing artists, commonly known as 'church musicians' because 'Spanish Inquisition' was taken, I was perfectly fine with never picking up a baton or writing another note again.
(I want it understood, I'm talking about a few of the adults involved, not the kids. I loved those kids, every single one of them. The adults...well...let's just say women should not be allowed to clump together to form "boards" or "committees" or "book clubs" for longer than it takes to figure out what that sudden, sharp pain in your back might be...)
But lately, just before the Advil PM kicks in and scatters the harmonies like inexperienced seagulls, the arrangements have begun fluttering around my pre-dreams.
So, while I can't imagine a time when I would ever again take on the nearly-thankless job of conducting a symphony and chorus, should there occur an anomalous planetary alignment just as the doctors finish my partial lobotomy, and an anesthesia-induced "yes" makes a break for it at the same time Satan himself asks if I'd like to wave a stick before 150 musicians, I may well have a portfolio full of music for them to play.
Random Reflection #2:
During my recent gall bladder celebration, a little 'shadow' on my pancreas turned up on the ultra-sound, sending me to the CT scan people, who said it was nothing whatsoever and I should be ashamed of myself for wasting their valuable time so close to Black Friday.
But it kind of freaked out my husband, which wasn't good because my father's sudden death in September had already thoroughly freaked out me.
I think we're living our lives via imaginary headlines: "Music Teacher's Head Explodes After Ten-thousandth Student Insists on Playing 'Fur Elise'" or "Federal Agent Chokes on the Steady Stream of Crapola He is Expected to Swallow on a Daily Basis".
Those of you who have suffered a scare or a loss, how long does it take to get back to the happy illusion that nothing bad will ever happen to the people you love? Because if it's longer than - hang on, let me check my Pristiq supply - OK, looks like eleven weeks, I'm going to need to make another trip to my drug dealer, er, I mean, internist.
Random Reflection #3:
It has occurred to me that there is no clean line of demarcation between childhood and adulthood. I have three kids in college (one is attending a College/High School), my oldest is 22, and I still marvel at how little they know about the real world.
Parents of small children, do your kids a favor: On their 8th birthdays, give them a credit card, sign them up for an apprenticeship with your neighborhood's version of Mr. Fezziwigg, and start charging them for their portion of the utilities.
My kids are the best in the world, and yet for all intents and purposes they're as inexperienced in dealing with real life as a plate of boiled cabbage. Where did we go wrong?
Random Reflection #4:
Does anyone still read "Family Circus" without vomiting all over their newspaper?
Upon reflection, that last reflection probably didn't require a lot of, you know, reflection.
Happy final week of eating junk food, all.