Friday, December 11, 2009

Clark Griswold on Line One

I've heard it's nice to share your fudge. Mostly from people who don't have any.

FUDGE RECIPE ALERT: In the recipe I published on November 30, I say "condensed" milk, because I do things like that. It's really EVAPORATED milk. No Eagle Brand stuff, girls. Save that for eating out of a little rubbermaid bowl stashed in the back of the fridge and disguised as leftover gravy. Like, you know, some people I could name...

December 11:

The guy across the street, the one who doesn't celebrate Hallowe'en because it's a sinful, pagan holiday rife with overtones of death and mayhem (and who clearly has not read the fine print on the ancient rites of winter solstice which are the embarrassing ancestors of our own Christmas celebration) has rented a cherry picker from which to string nearly 17,000 lights and assorted holiday icons from every square inch of his house, yard, and children.

This has annoyed your husband, who was hoping to get away with plunking a Santa hat on the yard light and calling it festive, but is now feeling those inconvenient stirrings of "Quien es Mas Macho", and is checking with NASA to see if they have an extra shuttle he could mount on the roof behind the eight live reindeer he's having FedExed from Lapland.

Pull out a couple of lawn chairs for you and the neighbor's wife, break out the fudge, and watch the magic unfold.

(Keep the Bactine and rappelling gear handy.)

13 comments:

The Garden of Egan said...

You really need to learn to post a few pictures.....this oughta be good.

Lara said...

Nobody around here puts many lights up. I guess they don't want to kill themselves, but it makes me sad.

Pass the fudge.

R Max said...

Good news... condensed milk also works...

Bad news... hip expansion in progress

Charlotte said...

I've always wondered about people who complain about the pagan origins of Halloween and get all excited about their Christmas tree. I heard someone call Halloween a made up holiday and came *this* close to asking them if they understood why Christmas is celebrated when it is (but decided I didn't want to ruin another great holiday for them). I say embrace the embarrassing ancestors of our Christian holidays. (Just as I hope my descendants will someday do with memories of me.)

Maureen said...

THANK YOU for your comments about those annoying twits who have problems with Halloween. They make me cracker dog!

Sadly, although I don't do it myself, I really like those overly decorated houses. They entertain me ... but they're also not across the street!

Amber Lynae said...

So... does it ever get dark enough to sleep in your neighborhood?

Kazzy said...

Those are the same people who think Harry Potter is devil-kinda-stuff and that all kids used to behave, inlike nowadays. They live in a universe of their own making.

I loooove Christmas lights! They make me so happy. I wonder how a pan of fudge would look all strung up with some bling!

L.T. Elliot said...

A cherry picker? Really? Man, we'd be the shame of the block. Okay, we already ARE the shame of the block. We have a little santa with deer in the window as our only lights. For the 3rd year. *sigh*

Happy Mom said...

You have GOT to have someone help you put a picture on you blog! I want photos!!!

aunt dyanne said...

I recently received a photo of some decor from a friend. I can't post pictures in the comments...but I sent it to your e-mail... just for fun.

Thanks for the salute to fudge BTW. Love it.

oh, and I love the blog posts too.

myimaginaryblog said...

Here's an idea for your husband. (I wonder if that's the picture dyanne was talking about.)

myimaginaryblog said...

Or anyway an idea for the hypothetical husband. (No, I hadn't figured out every post was a tribute to fudge. The problem is that I read your posts in reverse chronological order.)

Lisa Loo said...

sometimes I miss living in a neighborhood--I feel like I am missing something when my neighbor lives 2 miles away....................................................................not