Well, wouldn't that just frost your gizzard. Mariah's people called this morning to tell me the Minnie Pearl biopic was off. Apparently their first choice to play Minnie - Diana Ross - was already under contract to star in a series of Pepsi commercials. Rumors that she would be playing Michael Jackson were largely ignored on the grounds that, since MJ spent the last 15 years of his life remodeling his face to look just like Diana's, it didn't really matter which of them she portrayed. One thing's for sure, though: This strengthens my testimony of Diet Coke.
11: I'm thankful for Fall. Even as a kid, I loved autumn. While poets tout the joys and renewed optimism usually associated with spring, I find myself at my most ambitious, most active, some time around mid-October.
Growing up in Salt Lake, whenever it rained or snowed, the preferred method of coping was to just hunker down in your house and wait for it to pass.
So when we moved to Seattle, in November no less, it took pretty significant re-programming to get me to where I would just do my life no matter what the weather. However, there was no question that when the sun finally emerged in late June, the party was ON for the next three months. As long as there was sunshine, you were expected to be UP and DOING.
Imagine, then, the exhaustion that set in when we moved to the Caribbean - this time in July; we're smart that way - and it was relentlessly sunny all the time. After a few months of being UP and DOING, I was ready to throw myself off the Munoz Marin bridge. And "fall" doesn't really offer the relief in Puerto Rico it does at more northern latitudes. Autumn in the islands is basically twenty minutes of breeziness in the six hours or so that constitute "winter", and by the time you notice that you aren't praying for some pagan tribe to toss you into the nearest volcano as your only escape from the heat and humidity, it's time to start praying all over again. Winter is finished, and the eleven months, twenty-nine-and-a-half days of summer are back.
Upon returning to the states, the first thing I looked forward to was a decent autumn. Even in pathologically sunny Las Vegas, fall tends to take the edge off that laser-intensive heat, and with the lowering of the temperature there seems to come a temporary lowering of expectations which, paradoxically, allows me to relax enough to actually feel up to getting a few things done. I can't explain why, but I'm at my most productive when I feel the least pressure to be so.
Autumn does that for me; it always has. Which is why, I suppose, it's so easy for me to feel grateful at this time of year.
Even without Mariah, Diana, and their stupid movie.