Hello, one and all!
I have done something so completely out of character, so totally not me that anyone reading this in a book based on my life would roll their eyes in irritation and scoff, "Yeah, right. Like THAT would ever happen."
I followed LT Elliot's advice and signed up for the NaNoWriMo writing challenge. I know, who am I, and what have I done with that lily-livered chicken butt known as the real DeNae?
There is one feature of all of this that is pure, vintage ME, however. I decided to take this challenge based on the fact that I am completely unqualified to do what I'm attempting to do. Yep. That's me in a nutshell.
"NaNoWriMo" is a complicated acronym for "National Novel Writing Month," and is an opportunity for fiction writers to vomit out a 50,000 word, 175 page novel in just 30 days. The part that appealed to me the most was where the sponsors assured us that producing truckloads of crap was not only expected but encouraged, the idea being that revisions and editing would be saved for December.
"Well, heck," I said to everyone currently residing inside my head, "I can do THAT! I write that kind of dreck every time I sit down to a computer. Even my grocery lists are an embarrassment to the literary world!"
So, being a NON-fiction, NON-novelist, I naturally assumed I was perfect for the job. Considering that my dream essay is right around 49,000 words anyway, I figured a novel couldn't be that much different from my regular writing, at least in terms of length and depth of subject matter. Of course, LT's novel will be beautiful, because she has not only a poet's soul but apparently his laptop as well, and my novel will read like someone strung together 15,000 bumper stickers. But I'm totally OK with that, since I have honestly read some pretty good stuff while sitting at intersections waiting for the light to change.
What this means, however, is that what little creative energy I have is now going to be divided between writing a novel and coming up with excuses as to why we're heading into our third consecutive week without milk in the fridge.
("Week Two: Cows Strike Until a Flu Strain is Named After Them".)
But because November is one of my favorite months, sort of the calm before the holiday storm, I didn't want to neglect my blog or all of my blogging pals. So, for the next 30 - hang on, what day is it? Blast, I'm already a day late. Typical.
OK, for the next 29 days, I'm going to publish a list of some of the things I'm thankful for. Tis the season, after all.
This is my list. I don't expect you to be able to relate to everything, but for goodness' sake, please don't comment with, "Are you off your rocker? Why would ANYONE be thankful for THAT?" Instead, fill my comments box with some of the off-beat, not-always-mainstream things that make your days, your life, a little sweeter.
And I'll be back in full swing come December 1, so hang on to your hats boys and girls! Without any major music obligations for the first time in roughly 75 years, I'll have oodles-slash-gobs of time to goof off with you while we procrastinate doing our Christmas shopping! Woot-woot for not shopping!!
Anyway, without further ado, here are the first TWO things I'm grateful for.
1: I am thankful for insurance companies. I know I have not properly appreciated them in the past, calling them something like "Satan's reward for causing The Fall" and including them with Nazi gas chambers and 80's hairstyles on the list of Mankind's 50 Worst Ideas. But since my 16-year old caused an accident last Thursday that otherwise might have bankrupted us to the degree that we would have been forced to live in our car had it not been wiped out in, you know, an accident, I have amended my opinion of the insurance industry. I now believe it is only a semi-evil empire, bent on global domination and dedicated to the almost fanatical pursuit of breaking the human spirit. That's an upgrade, I promise.
2: I am thankful for lap-band surgery. That's right, the cat's outta the bag. Nearly two years ago, I had this procedure done in Mexico (do NOT start, I mean it) and while I have only lost maybe 35 pounds since then, I can pretty much assure you I would have been up 60 had I not taken the plunge. Until then, I was testing the theory that you could eat unlimited quantities of junk food while simultaneously following a rigorous fitness plan called "sitting on your butt until the chair fuses to your hips" and NOT literally explode under the pressure. While the scientific community mourned the loss of my research, on the whole I think I made the right decision. Not only that, since I had the surgery, the only thing I can keep down is, you guessed it, junk food. So it's basically been a weight loss plan made in heaven for yours truly.
Tune in tomorrow for the third installment in "DeNae's Month o' Gratitude." Seriously, you won't want to miss it. It is going to be BRILLIANT. If I remember to write it, that is...