Wednesday, November 18, 2009

DeNae's Month o' Gratitude, Day Eighteen

I did something totally out of character yesterday. I actually engaged in a literary activity known as "research". It was very exciting! I put the words "Aspen condos as a reward for wildly successful first-time novelists" into Google, and it came up with a whole list of links and sites, starting with "opportunities in the housekeeping, food service, and car parking industries."

So I am On. My. Way.

18: I'm thankful that, in this country, if you don't want to count cows, you don't have to. My husband and I grew up together. We met when I was just a year old and he was three, although we didn't begin dating right away. Being LDS, we adhered to the counsel that young people not get seriously involved with anyone until they were potty trained. We've taught our children to live by the same principle, and it has been a blessing in our lives.

After he came home from his mission, my then-crush and I attended the University of Utah, where I received a degree in Music as well as an encouraging invitation to "not let the Kingsbury Hall door hit you in the butt on the way out", and he graduated in accounting and finance.

During those illustrious years, we married and started our family. And all that time, my husband worked for the Church in their Welfare department. As an accountant, the high point of his year was the annual inventory of the church farms in northern Utah, and for one day every spring, he put on jeans and sneakers, and, calculator in hand, counted cows on the Church-owned ranch.

And with every bovine head accounted for, he felt a little piece of his soul die.

So, after a few years of this, we decided to make a radical career change, and the next thing we knew, he was a Federal agent and we were living in the beautiful Northwest, to our knowledge a good 900 miles from the nearest Mormon cow.

We have never regretted that decision. It has sent us down paths we never even knew existed, and provided us with adventures we never could have imagined. While I have had the occasional phone call that went something like, "Pack me a bag. I'm off to hunt white s*prem*sists for a couple of weeks," for the most part it has been interesting and exciting and a totally awesome ride.

Now, he keeps tabs on a different type of b*llsh*t producer, the kind that straps bombs to its chest and blows up public markets or burns schoolgirls in the streets for not wearing enough shrouds over their heads.

He's still doing his part for the welfare of humanity; that's always been his nature. But these days, he does it with a badge and a gun.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Security is a real issue for our family, which is why I put certain letters in as (*) in the hopes that Google won't send the kinds of people who look up those words over here to my blog. So, please don't use them in your comments. You know you were about to. Don't deny it.


Brooke said...

Isn't human diversity interesting? Because I think hanging out in a pasture on a beautiful spring day, with no one to bother me but a few hundred (thousand?) grazing cows, sounds HEAVENLY.

I am very thankful that there are people like your husband who are willing to spend their lives hunting down the bad guys and bringing them to justice. But really?? He gave up communing in the verdant fields for that? I don't get it.

Mallory said...

Oooohhh....sounds like your husband has an interesting job! There is a guy in my ward at church that works for the F* know, that super secret government bureau that isn't quite as secret as some of the other bureaus/agencies. And he told us that they aren't supposed to outwardly tell a lot of people. When he gave a talk one Sunday, he mentioned that he was in a basic training type of camp for his job...and he made some other mysterious references. It's exciting

Becca said...

I have a husband who works for the Mormons... and I can't even imagine how many perks come from a radical job shift (since they're all about "your reward for this job isn't monetary" and I'd like to use a few *** words!)

The Garden of Egan said...

What a fun and exciting life! I totally agree, the smell of windex is so awful that it should be the perfume of choice.
Windex is just ammonia watered down. I think you should just pour straight ammonia into the daughter's cologne bottle.

R Max said...

I like cows.
How did he know he didn't count the same cow twice?
Cows can be tricky.

L.T. Elliot said...

Counting cows. For a while I thought you had your barnyard mixed up. For some reason, I'm feeling sleepy.

I'm grateful for your hubby too. I have an immense amount of respect for those people who keep our country safe and protect us from all kinds of evils.

JennyMac said...

cow counting...oh boy. Federal agent is much more intriguing. My father and older brother were in law enforcement. It is a thankless job but one I am thankful people do!

Lara said...

I really thought this post was going to be about Johnny Lingo. And your husband didn't have to count out ten cows for you because you met before you were potty trained. I think I need to go to bed.

But I am very glad that your husband doesn't count cows anymore. Seems what he does now is much more exciting--not to mention worthwhile to humanity.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Oh my gosh, DeNae. Your first paragraph made me laugh so hard. I'm not kidding, as funny as you are, I have never laughed as hard as your counsel about dating and potty training. oh, deep sigh. My goodness. Can't stop . . .

I'm teaching at a Stake standards night next weekend. I'm totally stealing your wisdom and preaching it as doctrine to the masses.

Qait said...

ahhahah, MORMON cows... yeh, bet I was the only one who thought that was funny...

wendy said...

WOW - that was a huge career change.
I was at first thinking you were joining up with Amber on the Farmville thing. --cows and all

do you pack heat?? (no not hot flashes) (that's the way they talk on CSI)

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

How do Mormon cows pass the sacrament? Do they call it "The Book of Moorman?"

Wait long enough and the two or you will be in diapers again. Sad but true. Or so I've heard.

AS Amber said...

I wish he still counted cows because you'd probably be living in Utah.

But then your life wouldn't be backordered. It would have been shipped in full. And really dull.

And ya, how did he know he wasn't counting the same cow twice???

MommyJ said...

I absolutely thought Johnny Lingo too. It takes all kinds, and I'm glad we live in a place where you can find your niche and be happy. My husband has found his, and it makes home life so much easier since he is happy doing what he does all day.

Motherboard said...

I'm thankful for YOU.

the end.