Well, I've had to start my novel completely over. From scratch. It turns out someone already wrote "War and Peace." Hello?? Why didn't you all say something??
8: I'm thankful for eyelash curlers. And hair spray. And push-up lingerie. And all those other tools aging beauties like yours truly require to get out the door on a Sunday morning. Without them, our photographs could be offered to environmentalists as a chemical-free alternative for scaring roaches.
Have you seen those pictures of 19th century middle-aged women? Do they look happy?
No. They. Do. Not.
And do you know why? It's because all their eyelashes have fallen out and their hair got thin and weird after their 40th birthdays and their boobs could be used as divining rods, what with their pointing straight down and only inches away from hidden water sources.
So a big "muchas smooches" to Maybelline, Paul Mitchell, and Victoria's little secrets. Couldn't do it withoutcha, peeps!