Thursday, April 9, 2009

Gone Blog Hopping!

Hey, all! Just wanted to invite you over to MMB, where I'm 'guest-posting' -- sorta like what Conan does for Jay only I'm a girl and it's a blog and no matter how many times I dream otherwise I'll never be as skinny as Conan or as rich as Jay.
I tell the story of our experiences in Peru over Easter, 2005. It's got something for everyone: Mountains, llamas, the most inexperienced bunch of goof-ball sheep-immunizers ever created by the hand of God...
Anyway, read this, then head over there. Please.
As for those of you meeting me here for the first time, welcome! I'm telling you, it's deep, deep, deep in this end of the literary pool. But we keep a shovel handy, just in case.

As already mentioned on MMB, I am an essayist. I tell stories. True stories, every syllable. I myself am as sane as they come, but loony things insist on happening all around me, and in what is perhaps a left-handed act of self defense, I write about them. It's like, if I befriend the sorta-crazies, the real sociopaths will leave me alone.

Or it's more likely that nothing makes me happier than to have other people laughing with me for a few minutes every couple of days, even if it's because I admitted to having once been scolded in the temple for accidentally and not on purpose shimmying under a velvet rope to explore what I was pretty sure was a hall leading STRAIGHT to the Celestial Kingdom.

When the guy in the black suit who stopped us -- because it isn't any fun if you haven't taken several innocent victims with you down the Hall of Eternal Chastisement and Soft White Carpet -- asked who had brought us there, I told him it was I, the gal with "Escort" written on her tag. But he wasn't buying it. (Who wears a black suit in the Salt Lake Temple? Yeah, you know who. So I don't know why he thought he could boss ANYONE around in that place!)

Whatever the case, feel free to wander around my Backordered Life. Rummage around in the fridge, nap in the guest room, grab the remote and catch up on your '30 Rock' episodes. No velvet ropes here; I'm just happy for the company!

You should be prepared: Sometimes I use biblical words and phrases in my writing. So don't be surprised to find the occasional geographical reference --like Gomorrah or that place where people who make a habit of shimmying under velvet ropes in the temple go -- on my blog.

It's rare, but you've been briefed.

However, I wish to clarify that the phrase "Don't argue with her. She'll kick your bu--" on my MMB bio was written by Motherboard! Had I written it, I would have said, "Don't argue with her. She'll call you a name and run crying to her room."

I'm glad we worked that out.

Anyway, here are a few of my favorite posts from days gone by! Happy Reading, everyone!


A couple of reasons the lines between my callings and my life are sometimes a little blurred.
Why we don't play many games at our house (as requested by my darling SIL, Jen).

What happens when you skimp on the wedding music.

How I procrastinate.

A "Don't You Hate it When" post which later had my ward members asking if I am a pathological liar, to which I sadly replied, "No. I've done every one of those things..."

My harrowing experiences on September 11, 2001

My feelings about Facebook.


The Garden of Egan said...

Wow, I'm new here and am glad I bumped into your blog! I read about you over at MMB and laughed. Decided I had to come over and see what you were all about. And BTW you are NOT the oldest blogger, I have you by a few years!

Heidi Ashworth said...

You're a hoot! I have three days of posts to catch up on (I have been a lazy bloggist) or I would most deff read all your faves--I'll get to your MMB post in my reader. One should think, anyway.

Kristina P. said...

I was so happy to see you guest posting!

Sarah said...

Read your guest post before I realized that it was you. I only discovered your blog a few days ago thanks to Sher and have absolutely loved reading it ever since.

Jen said...

OK, you did not list my VERY FAVOIRITE ONE…”The Ten Phases of Insanity”…well, you kind of did on the first blog option (if you go to it, it will give you a link for this one). OHHHHH MYYYYY FUUUUUNNNY! If any of you have kids and like to play games as a family or with friends you will laugh until you cry with this one! Defiantly worth a few minutes to read. As always, loved reading all of these again

DeNae said...

It's on there now, Jen!

Brooke said...

Hey, now that you're in the Big Leagues of the blogging world, I think those of us who read you even when you weren't in Conan's shoes should have certain special privileges. How about some sort of badge that says "I'm related to DeNae (or at least my best friend, is, um, her 2nd cousin twice removed)!" :-)

Motherboard said...

You totally know that you would kick anyone's butt... you are that awesome! I was going to say something else, but it would have required going to see the Bishop.

Your post rocks! Thanks!

myimaginaryblog said...

I've told several people your 9/11 story already -- it's just too amazing of a story not to pass along ("I was reading this one blog I just discovered that's written by this really witty person, and you wouldn't believe this thing that happened to her . . .")

I have much catching up in your archives to do, but I *really* should be getting off the computer and making some gesture at tackling the squalor that is my current domestic reality.

Lara said...

I knew we were kindred spirits (even though I'm nowhere near as cool as you)! My MO is totally to call people names and run to cry into my pillow. Every time. I couldn't kick a butt if I tried. :)

Melanie J said...

I can't kick anybody's butt. I mean, I literally could but I'd feel awfully bad about it. I have no problem, however, with kicking people in the shins.

AS Amber said...

I'd just like to announce that I was with DeNae on that fateful temple trip! And it was I she was "escorting" hell it would seem.

A ha ha ha!! Such good times!!! She's a naughty one, I tell ya!

Karen said...

I'll definitely check out your guest post! Sounds like fun!

Jessica said...

I had missed the blog about the game playing, wow that is fantastic! It is also why with a 2 day old baby, homeschooling started up again. I hate down time and my kids always hate each other. I'd rather try to figure out nursing and teaching 9 times tables at the same time than sit on the couch and let the kidos have a free day.