Monday, April 13, 2009

Falling for You

My friend Dawnie fell down at church a couple of weeks ago. She twisted both ankles. It was terribly tragic.

However, because she lived, her story is now fair game.

She says she looked just like this poor model, shown in the following video:

(Stupid Blogger wouldn't upload the actual video, so here's the link. Maybe open a 2nd window to watch this from, since it will navigate you away from this post, and you don't want to miss the exciting ending!)

Note: The link no longer works. Sorry.

Now, if you didn't actually watch the video, allow me to recap. A news anchor team, made up of two jerks and a woman, are reporting on a mishap on a Paris fashion runway wherein a model falls down, not once but twice.

And the second time it's one of those teeter-teeter-wobble-whoa-nonononono-ohshi-CLUNK kinds of falls.

It doesn't help that the girl is wearing platform shoes straight out of Gene Simmons' personal collection; they pretty much double her height. So falling off of them would be like a normal person falling off of, say, a pair of Romper Stompers the size of a book case. (If you don't know what Romper Stompers are, for heaven's sake turn 30 already.)

Anyway, the two news guys can't stop laughing. In fact, I have to admit, most of the entertainment comes from watching these so-called professionals nearly wet themselves chortling over this gal's misfortune. The one even starts to apologize for their behavior, and the other one cuts him off with, "Wait, wait, here she goes again!" And they replay the footage for, like, the ninth time, with the anchors slapping the news desk and hooting with laughter.

So Dawnie and I were discussing her particular fall, which involved, like our Parisienne model, high shoes and male witnesses. In Dawnie's case, it also involved a mislaid Hymnal and bad timing.

While walking through the cultural hall, she accidentally stepped on a Hymn book, which was open and already falling apart. So when she hit the book, it slipped under her foot like a rogue lasagna noodle. Which then caused her to lunge onto the other side of the doomed Hymnal, which slid away in a generally "opposite" direction from where she stood.

And down she went.

The thing was, after Dawnie hit the floor -- with both cheeks, may I add; this was no mere stumble -- instead of rushing to her aid, the two men (who were setting up chairs) just sorta looked over at her with a "Huh. Whaddya know. Woman on the floor," kind of expression.

But if that weren't enough, Dawnie's first reaction was to laugh and say, "Did you see THAT?", thereby letting them off the hook and nullifying any future opportunities to sue the useless men for Catastrophic Failure of Chivalry.

Which brings me to the subject of my post:

Why is it, when women fall down, before we check for injuries, we check for witnesses? Cuz I'm telling you, I could snap my spine, leaving me paralyzed from the saddle bags down, and I'd still manage to commando-crawl myself out of the room rather than risk being noticed by anyone.

"Are you okay?" are the last three words any woman on the floor wants to hear. In fact, we all secretly hope that, if we go down, we'll be knocked unconscious, just so we aren't around for the witness statements.

One summer day, I was in my in-laws' backyard, engaged in mortal combat with a hammock. Why I was attempting to "relax" in what amounted to a bag woven entirely of knots is beyond me. It was one of those diabolical free-standing jobbies that are suspended by a couple of S-shaped hooks from a metal frame composed of two-inch pipes welded together by the fiends of hell.

In order to keep the hammock stable, the frame not only ran along both sides of the hammock area, but it included a third pipe which lay directly beneath the center of the hammock itself.

After spending a good, make that a lousy, 15 minutes trying to situate myself in the hammock in such a way that I was essentially immobilized out of fear that any movement, sudden or otherwise, would pitch me one way or the other out of the blasted thing, I finally began to relax.

Knowing that it had me just where it wanted me, the hammock took this opportunity to dislodge the two S-hooks, and instead of my falling to the left or the right, I fell straight down, taking that damnable bag o' knots with me.

And because I had so carefully positioned myself in the exact middle of the hammock to begin with, I landed on that third, center pipe, which nailed me from the crown of my head, down the full length of my spine, right to my tailbone.

Can I tell you? That hurt every bit as much you think it did. I'm pretty sure I broke my bum. Cracked it, as it were.

But I set a land speed record for Bouncing Up Off A Collapsed Hammock, and even before the pain receptors running along 3 1/2 of my 5 1/2 feet had a chance to inform my brain that they would be working overtime on this one, I was standing straight up, frantically scanning both adjoining yards and my in-laws' windows, praying no one had actually seen me fall.

The very possibility that there may have been a witness to the whole spectacle generated its own gravity defying momentum, propelling me from "prone" to "bolt upright" without passing through any of the more traditional stages of levitation, like those requiring, for example, bending.

I can assure any who wonder, it is absolutely impossible to die from embarrassment. How do I know? Because any woman who fell down in front of onlookers and croaked out of sheer humiliation would be INSTANTLY resurrected just to guarantee that she was back on her feet and, to all appearances, immune to gravity. And I'm pretty sure none of the women in my circle are resurrected beings, despite our having fallen down in so many creative ways and exotic locales we could hire out as landscape density analysts. Why, in my family alone we've managed to turf it on multiple continents, on land and sea, and in a number of languages.

For us, smacking the pavement with our kiesters is the universal symbol for "Hi, howya doin'?"

Ironically, however, the women in my family, who are undoubtedly the most experienced, most thoroughly trained faller-downers in the history of the art, are also the WORST people to have on hand when someone else is tumbling into history. To our way of thinking, there is nothing more down and dirty, gut bustingly hysterical than watching someone else fall.

Throw in a set of stairs, and, well, it's all over but the mopping up. My mother fell down the stairs once, broke her ankle and everything, and rather than help her up or call an ambulance or do anything useful, we, her four grown daughters, collapsed in a heap and nearly asphixiated from laughter.

That's the kind of wicked gene pool I crawled out of.

One evening in Seattle, I participated in a "Cultural Arts" fireside, where all the musical numbers were really snooty and classical and stuff. My group, for example, sang 6 Brahms Motets, in German of course, while accompanied by two women at the piano.

These pianists looked like the daughters of Mr. and Mrs. Jack Sprat. One was tall and skinny, and the other was, well, not.

When I returned to my seat on a bench occupied by my mother, my sister, my aunt, and my cousin -- as well as my husband -- I was a little annoyed to find the women nearly rupturing their innards trying to contain what was clearly weapons grade giggling.

Seeing the confusion on my face, my husband leaned over and said, "You didn't see her fall, did you?"

No. No I didn't.

"Well, that, um, rounder pianist caught her heel on the edge of the step coming off the stand, and sort of, well, drifted down to the floor. It was quite a thing to see, really. Slow, almost graceful, and it took rather a long time to happen."

When I asked how I could have failed even to hear it -- after all, at one point she was right behind me! -- he said, "Well, I don't know. It was kinda....sorta....you know..... soft and squishy....."

Oh! How lamentable! An opportunity lost! I was so disappointed to have been that close to a major biff only to still have missed it!

In fact, one of my deepest regrets is not having seen my mom fall down in the middle of Main Street in SLC, right where Brigham Young is pointing ("Land there," he seems to be saying) and managing to toss a trayful of sandwiches over a three block radius in the process. I mean, I'm glad she wasn't, you know, run over or anything. But, dang! You just can't pay for that kind of entertainment.

So here's to Dawnie and my mother and ankle twisting, back bruising, gravity defying women everywhere. I hope you're all feeling better. I hope you manage to remain essentially perpendicular to the sidewalk.

And I hope -- oh, how I hope! -- if you ever find yourself on a French runway wearing a couple of six-foot Romper Stompers, I've got a front row seat, a good cam-corder, and an industrial pair of adult undergarments.

Feel free to drop in. You can't miss me.

I'll be the one in the hammock.






48 comments:

Melanie J said...

Ha! I'm first. Not that I have anything to say.

Melanie J said...

Wait, I've got it. One time when we were rollerskating, some big lady smacked into my cousin and they tumbled into a huge pile. We couldn't stop laughing, my cousin laughing the hardest of all, even though she had broken her wrist. The pile up was too funny.

Or there was that other time when my oldest was three and we were late to church so we got the metal chairs in the overflow. He had on a brand new suit, a JC Penney polyester blend, and when I set him on his chair, he immediately sailed straight through the back of it due to a lack of friction and landed on his bum, looking thoroughly confused. He cried and cried, not because he was hurt but because I was laughing too hard to help him up. No callng CPS.

Devon said...

You are SO right...I'd rather risk blacking out than waiting to be noticed. I used to make quite the habit of falling--I had bad ankles. Now that they're all sewn up, though, I don't do it too often. Great post! Made me giggle this morning!

MommyJ said...

I think I'm more of a stumbler... I am constantly tripping over my own feet, but it doesn't often actually take me to the ground... it's great because then I can quickly stand up tall and say "I totally meant to do that..."

I have had a few bad falls... one resulting in a genuine, verified by xray broken tailbone, and another that resulted in a genuine, verified by xray total demolishment of personal dignity. I won't tell the story. But it also involved shoes, a heavy backpack, and lots and lots of muffins.

Oh dear. I'm embarrassed just thinking about it...

Rachel said...

If you really want a good show, visit the campus of BYU-Idaho, where they polish the ice. Go in January, find a comfy spot, preferably somehere iside, so you don't freeze to death. I guarantee you'll get a couple of good falls!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

"paralyzed from the saddle bags down"- HAHAHAHAHA!

There was that time I fell backwards off the stage at the MTC and my dress fell up to my waist. There's nothing like 3,000 elders staring at you saying "Are you alright?" to put your lying in full force and your dignity in the garbage. :)

Lucy said...

Do you know how many times I have fallen in church and elsewhere and had men around just staring? Or they will give out a yell......"Ya'll alright?" while they still going on in their conversation with another man who was talking and didn't take a break from his talking to help a woman in distress either??? What is going on?

The Garden of Egan said...

I have to agree with the post by Rachel about going to BYUI and watching the show there.....since I live nearly across the street I have been afforded many hours of free entertainment. The ones that kill me are the girls wearing the spikey high heels with NO nylons in -20 degree weather and walking on the polished ice.....it's a beautiful thing. However, these kids have the falling thing down to an art form. Besides enjoying the entertainment of falling, I also work in the ER to supplement my entertainment value. There must be 15 ambulance runs a day to pick up said high heel wearing faller. The drauma seems to relieve them of the embarassment.

Bonnie said...

Way funny! Reminds me of a time when we were on the tracks train in down town SLC. That thing takes off from 0-120 in .06. My friend was not prepared for its take off and went from standing to flat on her face in .06, but she went from flat on her face to standing in .02. It was the funniest thing I EVER saw.

I think men are afraid to help a woman when she falls. Wouldn't want to reap the rewards of her embarrassment. They might get knocked to kingdom come in her flight from the ground.

Great writing!

The Garden of Egan said...

Yes, DaNae, I'll gladly take care of your daughter, however, please tell her NOT to wear spikey high heels in the winter. It's so not cool.
Have her come this direction and I'll keep her fed with homemade chocolate chip cookies!
Oh, btw, we are NOT on opposite ends of the spectrum....I'm a rebel. I just like doing some of those things. I wish I played the piano like you!
They have to let me in church....my hubby is the Bish! Poor guy, I've caused him great embarassment many times.......

Bonnie said...

P.S. I enjoy your posts. I linked to you today.

TheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras said...

Reading this reminded me of watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Too bad no one was filming your hammock event. You could be totally rich by now. :)

Kristina P. said...

I was picking up a kid from his school, and all the other kids were getting out. I crossed in front of this teenager, driving this HUGE truck. It was a gravel parking lot, and I was wearing heels, and of course, fell flat on my face, in front of the truck.

MORTIFYING!

Jen said...

Ok, I have to admit that I have seen that video along with a few others that were attached with it, and also must admit that we did rewind it SEVERAL times and could NOT stop laughing!!! I think it’s the fact that they are trying to be soooo smooth and sexy and then all of a sudden, WOOPS…they’re one of us, falling flat on their face. HA HA FUNNY! (of course until it happens to us)

Lara said...

Oh, honey, I am the QUEEN of falling down. I'm quite sure I have any of your friends mentioned here completely beat. I'm sure I do it at least once a day as I am such a klutz. I like to blame my tallness, but I have met enough people taller than me that are totally graceful that I don't think it counts.

My first reaction is to just start laughing, no matter how hurt I am. I think it's a defense mechanism I've developed over time so that nobody worries about me too much or says the dreaded "are you okay" words to me.

I drove my companions nuts during the winter months of my mission. I must have fallen on the ice every 5 minutes.

Your hammock story reminds me of the time my mom and I were in costco a few years ago and she begged me to try out the hammock that was on display. I did, and promptly fell out of it. I had a bruise the size of Texas on my behind and yet I just laughed and laughed.

templework said...

Most spectacular - had to be opening the car door in the parking lot of the Ogden Sears and stepping out onto the dreaded black ice...thank goodness the car had an automatic transmission and it was the left ankle.

Most embarassing - being the first one out the door from a multi-stake event and missing that first step...EVERYONE had to wait while my DH and dear neighbor carried me out of the way...sigh

Karen said...

When I was in college I had a class in a big lecture hall. I always sat in the back, or rather, up at the top of the hall.

One day, we had a test. I was among the first to finish and walked down the stairs to turn in my exam. The rubber sole of my tennis shoe stuck on the polished concrete step and I rolled down the last 3 or 4 steps, collapsing in a mortified heap at the bottom. A couple of students nearby jumped to ask if I was ok, but the professor didn't even flinch.

It was a long walk back up those stairs.

InkMom said...

When I spoke at my high school graduation (yes, I was THAT girl), the topic of my oh-so-inspiring presentation was keeping a sense of humor through even the most difficult stages of life. I was lucky I didn't trip walking up to the stage. But if I had, it wouldn't have mattered, because it's exactly what people would have expected. Hardly a day went by that I didn't trip over something only I could see, or run into someone because I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. Yeah, I'm pretty much over it now.

Melissa said...

Oh.my.gosh. I snorted at least 6 times laughing while I read this! You have NAILED it!

And I must too have some of those weird genes because I think someone falling is the most hysterical thing ever! Especially a chick!

susette said...

I was in a wooden swing with my son on a vacation in the mountains. We were only in the thing for a few minutes and WAHUMP!! Down it came. I'm so glad my family were the only ones around. It sure hurt like heck though.

Are you an author? you should be. I like the way you write.

Loretta Valenta said...

I found your blog a few days ago and love your writings from the first time I read! I link you to my blog so I could share you with my friends -- what a delight you are!

Ladysam (Stormy) said...

I fainted once, checking in at the Dr. office. You know what? My handsome Prince was there, holding the baby. It was so unromantic. He totally let me drop. Not once did he try to catch me! I lay there with my mouth open, attempting to catch flies, apparently, and I am unconscious to boot, for almost 2 minutes. I wake up, Drs, nurses, concerned citizens were all in my face, looking worried. I didnt know any of them, but saw in the middle of all their faces, a handsome man, holding a baby. He seemed the least concerned. Me? I pretended to be someone else, pretended to have amnesia because I was not going to admit that my name is Stormy and that way I thought no one could identify me at any given moment. I still long for the day my Prince caught me the one and only time I fainted, and my head hurt really bad, and I am pretty sure I cracked my bum too. :O)

Brooke said...

My favorite falling story is from my mom. When she & my dad were dating (teenagers in high school), they went to the beach one weekend with his parents. She wanted to impress him with her grace & beauty, so she started running - kind of in slow motion, like in the movies - long hair flowing out behind her, the sun casting an aura of blissful serenity around her . . . until she tripped and biffed it in the surf. :-)

Seriously though, I think it's about time you kick this blogging thing up a notch and buy your own domain. This is getting too big for blogger. You're ready for the big times! :-)

The B's said...

I have a hammock story that took place in Hawaii - we 5 women - and we laughed so hard and loud that the wedding going on down on the beach stopped and sent someone over to ask us to leave as we were ruining thier special moment! THAT was a mistake - because instead of having the calming effect they wanted - we became even more hysterical. Imagine - getting kicked off a public beach for laughing...because someone fell out of a hammock.
Love you blog!

wendy said...

Those were funny stories. I am kind of one of those sick and wrong people as well, whenever I see someone fall I LAUGH!! out loud, and then try and compose myself to see if they need any help, still laughing of course. Oh, this will not serve me well on the other side as I explain this to my Maker.

wendy said...

And DeNae --I'M BAAAAACK!!

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

I am making a new rule. I am reading your blog the last thing before going to bed as laughter makes for wonderful sleep. Oh, my. I can just see your Mom's sandwiches flying. Wish you had the video of that!

AS Amber said...

Oh my gosh. That's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I watched it 3 times.

It's true. Women bounce. I've peed my pants laughing because of people falling down in my presence. And so has our sister. Remember those "creative dancers" up the street from us??

Mom ate it like 3 times the year she fell with the sandwhiches. All were down town. It doesn't help that her ankles are like toothpicks.

And once you get mom, Aunt H, and KIM sliently laughing...there's no hope for stopping it.

And why the H are they "polishing ice" at BYUI??? Daughter is going to need to take a camcorder with her.

cory and sharon said...

The snow in Russia turns to ice, so everywhere you go, you're walking on ice. I will admit I had my share of falls and laughed about it, but the best was my companion. We were on our way to district meeting. We happened to see some elders up ahead of us and my companion took of running in hopes of catching up with them. I'm not kidding, it was just like watching one of those cartoons where the cartoon character is running, but really only her legs are moving while the rest of her body remains stationary. And then plop, right on her face. I don't think she appreciated that I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the way to the elders apt. I didn't pee my pants, but I did have on waterproof mascara and it was all over my face.

Jessica said...

Yes, we are family! I can't believe all the falls and rebounds...too much to list. I am really prone to running straight into things.
Said the prayer at church, went down the stairs and I don't know what I was thinking, forgot to turn and ran right straight into the wall. Sure enough, kept walking and didn't even blink an eye as I have a welt the size of a baseball swelling up on my forehead. Of course, I was laughing at myself, in hopes that anyone who saw thought I did it on purpose.

Julie H said...

DeNae - I have many noteowrthy falls under my belt - But only one is worth repeating.

I was hit by a car in college which threw me into the air. Now, these kids of episodes only happen in slow-motion and I was able to be hit by a car and work out the physics problem on how to contort myself just right so that I wouldn't actually fall down. I remember having a few moments of mid-Michael Jordan-air-time to think that the last thing I wanted to have happen was for me to be knocked to my butt in front of every other zoobie walking to class. I landed on my feet, told everyone I was alright and ran from the intersection as fast as possible so that I wouldn't be around the lucky spectators of my misfortune. The next day, I had a bruise on my right bum-cheek that stayed there for weeks! But - lest you forget - I did NOT fall down.

Shawn said...

Ohhhhh, so funny! You made me laugh---you made me laugh!!

I too, come from intense falling over syndrome(itis?) My Mom has it, and I have it. I will have to do an entire post sometime about how many times that I have fallen---but yes, thank you, I ALWAYS hit the face!! So I have various pics to show for it.

So chic.

Jenny said...

Brooke (Dormant Ocean) told me about your post because I just posted my own falling on my butt story yesterday:

http://vanakenfamily.blogspot.com/2009/04/our-afv-moment.html

if you're interested. Mine involved bees! And yes, my husband couln't stop laughing or telling everyone he talked to about it.

Lara said...

So Facebook isn't working, and I needed to tell you that I realized today (during my frantic search for missing children) that your sister teaches at our elementary school. I just figured that with 5 elem. schools in town, she would naturally not teach at mine. My oldest is a 3rd grader, so I had no need to know the teachers of higher grades (yet). That's all. Carry on.

Shelane said...

seriously. i'm now a devout follower.

laughed out loud, my husband keeps getting annoyed and asking what's so funny.

R Max said...

I have done the high heel wobble in front of many, many people and I landed on my buttocks with my legs splayed out and my skirt over my head. I was tempted to just stay there. At least my face was not visible. Although everything else I owned WAS.

Hel said...

Wow... I must be the shortest commenter on here because I don't have one spectacular falling down story to share. I guess I must be too close to the ground.

Like a previous commenter... I run into things, but haven't in quite some time.

My brother fell through the attic floor once. It was fun watching his feet dangle in the room below.

tammy said...

I am always afraid I'm going to trip and fall on my way up to the podium or piano in church. Especially last Sunday when I had to go back and forth inbetween the organ and piano. I just had to wear my new 5" heels didn't I?

DeNae said...

I mentioned that my family are champion faller-downers. Here is something from my cousin, whose daughter Jessica has already admitted on this page to walking into walls:

O.K. but I'm writing under a sobriquet to remain annonymous. I have three doozies. One the Frozen Chicken Incident. I went to the outside freezer to get a chicken to thaw out right before bed. Coming up the stairs, my toe caught in my pajamas and I fell on the tile entryway. Well what happened next is mostly a blur, the chicken hit the tile (cracking it) and bounced up and hit my mouth, nearly shearing my lips off. I sat on the floor dazed, bleeding and trying to figure out what had just happened. My mouth swelled up for nearly a week. Whew, bad memories, o.k. number two. I got up in the night to the bathroom. The bathroom door was painted a dark color at the time. Anyway, I kicked the door accidentally, it came back and hit me in the forehead, knocking me to my back and making a loud bang. I lay on the floor wondering how I'd been shot! I heard the noise, my head was on fire and I'm on my back, yup shot it is! Three is my Mom's favorite. I'm driving when Mitch was a baby, he's screaming. I lean over to pick up a binky on the floor of the car, my boob goes into my drink. As I sat up, my hair catches the rearview mirror and gets stuck in my hair. So I'm driving with a mirror dangling from my hair and a giant circle of water on my chest. It was lovely... I think it's a family trait. Whenever Jessica's kids trip up the stairs, Darin yells my name! How rude

DeNae said...

And THIS one if from my Aunt, mother of cousin and grandmother of Jessica. As you can see, she was one of the naughty gigglers at the Cultural Arts Fireside:

One of my favorites - and I have many - took place at your Stake Music Festival when you lived in Seattle. You and about 5 others had sung a fabulous song in German - then, the accompanist, who was a bit portly, started to leave the stand. When her high heel stabbed through the edge of the carpet on the stairs, she did an aerial flip right in front of the first row of pews. Fortunately, we were on the second row so that we could all get our heads in our laps to laugh. I believe Kimberlee got us started, and then we all joined in. Meanwhile, the group you had sung with came off the stand having totally missed the gymnastic event because the pulpit was in your line of vision. I still just bust out laughing when I think of it. It has provided lots of laughs at family get togethers! Thanks for the memory!

p.s. her shoe was still stuck in the carpet for her to retrieve when she got to her feet.

Another one - I was the star. I was hurrying downhill in the Avenues in SLC near LDS Hospital, going back to my office with the department mail. I hit a rough spot in the ancient sidewalk, started grabbing air, then splatted and started going downhill - mail flying everywhere. I slid so far that I wondered if I would end up on South Temple. When I finally got to my feet (now bare), both palms of my hands were smeared on the walk behind me, the button on my dress over my chest was filed down so that it was white instead of dark green like the others on the dress, one of the flowers on my skirt was light violet instead of purple (over the knee), and my shoes were up the hill side by side. It was amazing - I had enough time during the slide to wonder just how far a person could go with such momentum on the downhill. Probably the people across the street are still telling the story and laughing at their family get togethers!

The fall during Miss Margene's dance recital that Kimberlee was in is another good one. I didn't see it, but hearing of her wetting her pants on stage, laughing, painted a picture I'll never forget!

Qait said...

HAHHAHAHhoooo you've got me laughing imagining your paralyzed commando crawl!!!
I used to love hammocks. What happened? I think they have to be made supersize, like a trampoline.
I laughed right along with those jerk anchormen. I did try to side with the woman, but the little ankle wobble was just so funny!
I wonder if you've seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEtIoGQxqQs

Lisa Loo said...

Me thinks you got this wicked idea for a post from my post on the poor little blind girl falling into the orchestra pit...
I'm sure it was pretty hilarious tho--there was no wobble or nothing--just step, step, step--nothing but air baby. I am one of those people that will do anything rather than fall. I'm the one they can do a commentary on--put an enitiremovement from the 1812 overture. You should do a giveaway of a day spent with you--I would so enter...

veronica said...

I'm laughing.
And crying.
And laughing some more.

Thank you!

Jessica said...

I hope this isn't too late on the comments, but I am so glad that my mom and grandma mentioned their falling stories. I was so going to mention them, but the time I mentioned mom's chicken in the face, on my blog...brought the wrath. Like any of us could stop laughing. She was hit by a chicken.
Grandma and the falling down with the mail, as well as Kimberlee's laughing at the poor lady are favorites of mine. I still laugh as though I'd been there!

Launi said...

Oh, yeah? Well I was skipping up the stairs to the pulpit when I was 9--picture it--poofy dress and frilly slip, instead of blithely gliding to the top, I kick the top step and landed flat on my face--poofy dress up and over my head. The Sunday School Presidency sat there with their hands over their mouths. I had a long speech to give about supporting Primary Children's Hospital and donate and help the sick kid...bla, bla, bla. After picking myself up, I grabbed the mic good and hard and said, "Just give to the penny parade," and stomped back to my seat. My brother--through hysterical laughter managed to squeek out, "They'll probably just give the pennies to you directly--cause your feet don't work."

Della Hill said...

Okay, mine's not as funny but proves the point that we will avoid embarrassment at all costs.
I was walking into the bank one day and the door came back really quick after I stepped past it.
It caught my foot and I went down.
I immediately jumped up, did a quick scan for witnesses and continued into the bank like nothing had happened.
The ironic part of the story is that I had given birth by c-section 5 days prior to the incident, and wasn't 100% sure if the sharp stomach pains that I had immediately following were a result of surgery or the fall, or the surgery inflamed by the fall.
If I had chosen to play up the fall, or even not steel myself from the pain, rather than avoid negative attention, I am sure I could have been on the receiving end of a lawsuit payout.
Hmmm, $10,000 or my dignity?
-Della

Rebecca said...

oh mi goodness...I can't stop laughing! The story was funny and then the comments were just as funny! I know I am finding this post late, just found it through your guest interview. So funny....Thanks for starting my day off right!

Scooby and Jon said...

I missed this post before. I think because my twins were just barely home from the hospital when you wrote it.
But it reminded me of my mom's story- she was riding her bike and fell off. She broke her arm, but her first concern was actually about the road rash on her face. She thought "Well this will look great in church tomorrow" followed by "did anybody see that?"