Friday, February 27, 2009

SheRa the Gemini

"This is a great day for you to get up on stage and beam in the limelight, dear Gemini. There is a need for you to take the lead now, and you should not back away from this responsibility. The warrior instinct inside you is strong, so don't hesitate for a second. Be brave and courageous in all situations."

Well, you heard 'em, folks. The soothsayers at MSN.com have both soothed and sayed, and who am I to tempt fate? So follow me, girls. Evidently there is a great need for my inner warrior to kick some butt and take some names, without backing away of course. It's been a good couple of decades since I allowed the south forty to go through any door first, so we'll call that a prophecy fulfilled.

Now, where to start, where to start...

OK, how about President Obama's very disappointing budget? Three point five five trillion dollars, and not a penny on my domestic stimulus proposal, "A Matthew McConaughey in Every Driveway and A Hot Fudge Sundae in Every Pot." I know I'd be stimulated by such a social program. It's hell being a visionary.

And what's with the no flying cars thing? And I kinda expected zero gravity lingerie by now. I mean, when I listen to all these radio call-in shows with the Obam-aficionados testifying that he raised their Chia pet from the dead and cured their daddy's gout, well, I think I want a little of that miraculous action myself. Even if my grandchildren have to live in homes constructed entirely out of foreclosure signs to pay for it. I mean, what if the millennium comes before those grandchildren even have time to whine about that inconvenient little bill and we didn't take the chance to party like we could have? We are going to be seriously bummed out.

So, President Obama, just get that sundae-bearing Mr. McConaughey over here to my driveway tout suite and I'll spare you the butt kicking my horoscope says you've got coming.

Now, on to reality shows. What's all this business with American Idol? I mean, there's that one guy, and that girl, and, you know, the way they sing and all?? And that British guy all ornery and stuff? I mean, geez, what's that all about? Heh, heh...... Cuz, you know, I'm totally into it, like every other sentient being on the planet. My Chia pet never misses it; it's THAT good. But, well, they just better do.....umm....whatever they do, only, you know, BETTER. Otherwise they're getting a visit from my powerful inner warrior and her karaoke machine. After all, the universe apparently needs me to 'beam in the limelight,' and you don't sass destiny.

And how about that weather, huh? I think it was Mark Twain who said, "Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody thinks of smacking it upside the head." Well, I for one have just about had it with all this snow and ice. I mean, snow, snow, snow, as far as the eye can see. And cold? Do NOT even get me started on the cold. Uh-UH, that way lies a whooping.

Except for Helen of Australia, the Face that Launched a Thousand Little Queens. Where she lives it's apparently hot. Hoo-EEY. Freaking hot. I for one have just about had it with all this heat. Heat, heat, heat. Where do I go to complain, hmm?

And then there's this wretched 70 degree weather in Las Vegas. For cryin' out loud, it's damn near perfect down here, and who can stand that?? My inner warrior is completely fed up with balmy breezes and short-sleeved shirts. Those carefree children merrily riding their bikes up and down the sunny sidewalk are THISCLOSE to being handed a glass of lemonade, I'm SO not kidding.

So be warned, you misbehaving planet. SheRa the Gemini is on the war path, taking the lead and beaming like a lime-crazed maniac. And as soon as my Chia pet and I come in from the pool, we're going brave and courageous and warrior instinctual all OVER your sorry grass.

16 comments:

Devon said...

LOL, you kill me. Though instead of Matthew McConaughey, can I have a Jensen Ackles?

I sure wish Obama would cure my husband's gout...

Lara said...

I would prefer Orlando Bloom. Please. But the sundaes sound great. Do you think Obama could guarantee that eating them would not result in bigger hips, too?

You're making me want to run over to msn and see what we Leos have to look forward to.

Amber said...

Well now I'm scared of Avery. Oh and Harley too, for that matter. That little guy has been up and down the war path! And now I know why. The stars and planets have all lined up against ME! The innocent mom.

Once again, you have not failed to crack me up! You and your stinking fantastic weather!

I'm on my way to MMB to vote for you!

(For those of you that don't know it's Mormon Mommy BLogs. Go vote!)

Nichole said...

groovy post~how do you stay funny day after day. i can't be funny that long~my arms get tired

The Garden of Egan said...

DaNae! Too hilarious. I "ran" into your blog on Mormon Mommy Blogs and NO you aren't the oldest blogger....that probably would be me.
I'll take McConaughey by the way...and if Obama can't deliver welllllll he's like the rest of them.

Brooke said...

Yo DAWG! You be rockin' tonight! WHOOP! WHOOP!

BTW - I drove across the I-90 bridge today. It's still afloat. :-) And the mountain was out. Beautiful!

tammy said...

You had me at "Matthew McConaughey in Every Driveway and A Hot Fudge Sundae in Every Pot". Mmmm....Yummy

Sher said...

I love me some Matthew McConaughey.
p.s. I was meaning to tell you, every time you comment, I always want to respond, but you don't have your email on your profile.
Go do it, so we can chat!

Sher said...

p.s. I voted for you on MMB

btw: WV: awdecoli

Odd Ecoli? or Awed ecoli.

Either way, I'd rather not have it.

Lisa Loo said...

Personally, I don't think anyone who owns a chia pet...whoops--that was you--I mean.....
You go girl!!!!

Hel said...

DeNae, I go away for two days and you pull out TWO posts! One that speaks to my heart and the other links to my.... blog!

It's all too much. will you be my friend when we move to the States?

Terresa said...

Your "about me" bit on your main page is hilarious.

Have you written a book? If you haven't, then you should! And guess what? Sounds like both of us live in Sin City! Small world!

PS: I found you b/c...
1. You commented on my blog (rather kindly, thanks!)
2. You're also in the running for the Mormon Mommy blogs poll thingy and I *had* to check you out!

You rock! ;)

Lorie said...

I am here from MMB! Love the post!!

Kristina P. said...

Oh no! I thought that Misplaced Americans was the only nominated blog I read, but yours is too! And I love both of yours! Ack! Now that the poll option isn't open, I can't vote for both at home and work.

Hmmmmm, what to do.

R Max said...

I want Hugh Jackman... and you are FUNNY!

You are one hoopy chick!

Boy Mom said...

If I give up the sundae can I have two hotties? Gack! what am I saying? I'm surrounded by men! I'll just have two sundaes Mr. President.

She-Ra girl, I'm so feelin' ya!